London, UK: Meteorologists around the world are warning of a huge band of severe weather, due to hit London U.K. within the next 2 weeks. Their predictions make for unsettling reading, as they forecast gale force winds, hail storms, snow, thunder, lightning, sleet, hurricanes, levels of rainfall not seen since the days of Noah, and even a 300 foot high Tsunami on the river Thames which runs through the great city.
The agreement throughout the scientific community is so concrete and absolute , weather forecasters can even pinpoint the exact moment it will hit, June 23rd at midday London time, and last for precisely 14 days (weather permitting). This level of confidence, and the accuracy of the prediction is highly unusual, especially when one considers the lack of any satellite imagery, air pressure readings, jet stream forecasts, or long range computer modeling, which may provide backup evidence for the claims. The scientists, however, remain steadfast.
In an interview with The Inept Owl, a man with a very large forehead and a white coat explained the basis of the unanimous acceptance of this threat:
“It’s the Wimbledon tennis tournament innit, any idiot knows that it pisses down for two weeks solid. After all, it’s England’s chance to shine on a world stage by hosting an open air sports competition. It’s obviously doomed before it starts.”
When asked for his opinion on the forthcoming 2012 London Olympics, he laughed so hard he had to be admitted to the ER at St. Mark’s Hospital.