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Vatican Puts New Spin on New Testament

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Vatican City – A stunning new document has been released from Vatican archives just in time for the Easter holiday. It is supposedly a transcript of the first conversation between Jesus Christ and Thomas the Apostle after Christ’s return from the grave. The author remains unknown, and the transcript is the subject of much debate among Christians. The Inept Owl is pleased to bring you an exclusive look at this controversial new addition to the Bible:

Monopoly Card, Corrected

 

Peter: Hey, fella! You look… great! Ya been’ workin’ out? Do something different with your hair?

JC: !

Peter: Really? ‘cause right now you’d be walking around with a major stab w-

JC: .

Peter: Oh, I see. Hey, do you still feel that?

JC: .

Peter: Well, that’s got to be a relief, huh?

JC: …

Peter: Yeah.  So… We believe you and all that, but the thing is we don’t allow Jews in here.

JC: ?

Peter: Well, yes. But we’re not anymore, so…

JC: .

Peter: Exactly. Thanks for being cool about it. Okay, then! See you later, right? Take care. You look good!

He looks good. Hey, Paul!

Paul: Pete! Did you see, uh, you-know-who?

Peter: Oh, yeah. He looks good! He looks good.

Paul: He’s not coming back again,..?

Peter: No, no. Ascended a little while ago.

Paul: That’s great, just great. So, what do you want to do today?

Peter: Wanna try pork?

Props to Ron Currie, Jr., whose book God is Dead served as an inspiration for this article. -M

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