Enclosed is the letter we would have sent Kate Beckinsale, our Woman of the Year for 2007, if she returned our calls…or knew who we were besides the people she served a restraining order to.

Dear Ms. Beckinsale,

     Congratulations on being crowned our Woman of the Year for 2007! Readers from across the world have pooled their votes, and at the end of the violent digital cat-fight between Hillary Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Claire Danes, and Bono, you, madam, claimed victory. And without a gratuitous breast shot! That is genuine respect right there.

kate beckinsale wins

 

 the inept owl

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     What can we not respect?(except for your choice of men, speaking solely from this editor’s point of view, who happens to have a crush on you anyway and so forfeits all credibility.) Your career as an actress has been erractic to say the least, yet from Pearl Harbor to Underworld, Serendipity to Vacancy, you have found a way to grant all types of people access to your entertainment.

     The most important reason you may have won, however, is you attitude towards the paparazzi. This is a time where celebrities are yanked off of their pedestals and dissected in the public eye in the way of photography. This sometimes leads to even more random activity. Britney and Lindsay became worse. Many others shun the way photographers try to capture everything from the type of credit card a celebrity uses to how unfashionably a half inch too low their heels are.

     You are a totally different animal. There is not a bad photo to be found! When on your own or with your daughter Lily Mo and husband Len Wiseman, all that can ever be seen is “happy celebrity family.” Even having a child with an actor in Underworld, splitting from him then setting up with the director did nothing to destroy your status. It’s as though you have a bubble protecting you. Or maybe it’s because you embrace those peculiar photo shots that the paparazzi gives up quickly.

     In this editor’s eyes, this is why you have won this award. Be proud. It’s a rare thing for The Inept Owl to give true credit.

 

Sincerely,

The Editor

By FascistEditor

As the managing editor of The Inept Owl, Patrick has sworn to uphold the honor and integrity of hard-hitting journalism...but only on Sundays at 10am.