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Review of The Eagles’ “Long Road Out of Eden”

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It takes 25 years from the release of their first record for an artist to be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. 28 years after their last studio record, the Eagles do their part to have their spot in the Hall revoked.The Eagles

   The Eagles were one of the most recognizable bands in the 1970s. They produced hit after hit, putting 10 different singles in the top 10 of the music charts. But like every band that has ever had a “Behind The Music” special on VH1, it was not meant to last; money, drugs, and ego combined to split the iconic band apart. Back in 1994, the Eagles reunited due to their love for the very thing that got them into the business in the first place: money. They threw together a tour where they could charge $150 for crappy seats to hear decades-old music, then packaged a handful of new songs together with a live performance on a CD. It was titled “Hell Freezes Over,” which represented not only the unlikeliness of the reunion occurring in the first place, but also the unlikeliness of anyone under the age of 50 going to see their shows.

   After the tour, the guys settled back in to collect royalty checks from Hell Freezes Over and two subsequent greatest hits albums (not to be confused with the two previous greatest hits albums they’d released). But eventually the money ran out again, and the result was “Long Road Out Of Eden.”

   As if to apologize for the long hiatus, they released a 2-disc, 20-track album of new studio material. Of course, this new material consists of mournful reminiscings of loves lost, slow Glenn Frey ballads, and feisty and radio-friendly Don Henley ditties.

   In other words, this is every Eagles album ever made.

   Oh, the words and melodies are rearranged. But if you accidentally chucked this CD into your portable time machine rather than the trash can and sent it back to 1980, nobody would question that it was the Eagles’ next studio album. Of course, they might wonder what the hell a CD is and how you play it, but after a while they’d settle into the familiar comfort of the music.

Song you should pay $1 for on iTunes, rather than downloading for free: N/A. The Eagles, in their infinite greed… err, wisdom, have decided to sell this album domestically only through their website, Wal-Mart*, and Sam’s Club. Therefore, evil giant corporations are preventing you from buying this dreck on iTunes.

*In order to further appeal to the Wal-Mart demographic, they recently performed the first single from the album on the County Music Awards.

Rating: 3 Wal-Mart Greeters

Welcome to Wal-Mart, home of The Eagles Yup And three

 

Since you probably already own at least two versions of their greatest hits albums, you won’t miss much if you skip this album. However, if you really need to memorize some new lyrics because endless nights of “Heartache Tonight” at the karaoke bar have left you wanting, it’s not a bad pickup.

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