Anthropologists Uncover Missing Hillbilly Link of Evolution
New developments in the mating patterns of neanderthals point to hillbillies being the missing link on the evolutionary ladder.
Scientists Celebrate Failure to Find Jack Shit in Dark Matter
Scientists were proud to exclaim that they haven't found jack shit in evidence of dark matter using the LUX.
Most Emotionally Distant Galaxy Discovered
In an exciting discovery, astronomers based in Hawaii’s Keck Observatory have confirmed the existence of the “most emotionally distant” galaxy yet.
Students Rally Against Progress
After more evidence surfaced for an additional element, students across the nation have banded together to protest the possible change to the periodic table, under the banner that they, “Don’t…
Scientists Discover Sex may be Good for your Health
Las Vegas, NV: A recent report published by the National Institute of Health (NIH) has provided evidence that regular intercourse may be good for you. This report came after an…
Hate Crimes Begin Over Differing Gut Bacteria
Racism and prejudice in general were dealt a mighty blow recently, as scientists confirmed that human beings each harbor one of at least three different groupings of stomach bacteria. Much…
Colorado Authorities Rescue Silver Balloon-Thing
This past Thursday, both state and local authorities found themselves in a race against time as they attempted an intricate, and possibly fatal, extraction operation over the plains of Colorado.…