World Shocked that A&E Shocked by Duck Dynasty Star’s Bigoted Comments
In a recent news report that has surprised no one, bearded hillbilly patriarch Phil Robertson of the bearded hillbilly A&E reality show Duck Dynasty is believed to be a racist,…
Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak
It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy…
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There's a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they're not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.
George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole
George Zimmerman, arrested once again, is out on his front lawn digging a very large hole and does not show any signs of stopping.
Storm Leads to Tornadoes, Death, and Fallen Leaves Right Where Local Man Raked
On Sunday, a fast-moving storm lead to the development of a delay in the Chicago Bears game, fallen leaves, as well as a few tornadoes and human casualties.
Blockbuster Reminds Customers of Existence by Closing Stores
Blockbuster, the home movie rental company that had introduced the American family to such historical relics as "VHS tapes" and "DVDs," surprised consumers by alerting them to the fact that,…
Congress Celebrates Survival of Election Day 2013
Election Day 2013 went off with minor casualties yesterday, as all current members of the United States House of Representatives and the Senate were victorious in protecting their places in…
Proprietors of Kobuk Valley National Park Unaware of Any Changes
One day after the U.S. government shut down operations, the proprietors and caretakers of Kobuk Valley National Park, one of the least visited national parks in the United States, appear…
Students Rally Against Progress
After more evidence surfaced for an additional element, students across the nation have banded together to protest the possible change to the periodic table, under the banner that they, “Don’t…