Disgraced English Football Fans Return Home
With the eyes of the world upon them, with the hopes of the nation resting on their shoulders, and with over a hundred years of history and tradition to uphold,…
New Burger Sensation Hits Pittsburgh!
Pittsburgh, PA: Denizens of Pittsburgh, trying to recover from public scorn over the exploits of disgraced quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, have embraced a new taste sensation: the Rotten Burger. This new…
Cromartie Reclaims Baby-Daddy Trophy from Edwards
New York, NY: The New York Jets, looking for a complement to lock down cornerback Darelle Revis, have signed free agent Antonio Cromartie in a move seen as expected and…
Genetic Link Found Between Roethlisberger and Winnie the Pooh
Pittsburgh, PA: In what seems to be a regular occurrence these days, lines of women have stepped forward accusing Ben Roethlisberger of naughty behavior. In what no longer seems to…
Rex Ryan’s Obesity Leads to Jets Elimination
Indianapolis, IN: In the wake of the New York Jets' improbable season, a season in which every conceivable break was needed just to get them into the playoffs, it has…
Bears Lineman Found Dead: Bucs Relieved
Greenwood, SC: In a day full of highly insensitive events in the NFL(the Jets winning, the Vikings breathing additional life into Brett Favre’s improbably and perpetually overrated career), perhaps the…
McGwire’s Biceps Speak Out
In an exclusive telephone interview with The Inept Owl, the biceps of world-famous home-run hitter Mark McGwire came clean about the slugger's past behaviors. The following is a transcript of…
Romo Sues Merriam-Webster For Douchebag Definition
Dallas, TX: Tony Romo, mired in an up and down start the last few years, has taken it upon himself to sue Merriam-Webster for their recent updated entry of the…
Finger Bitten Off During Raider Bash
Thousand Oaks, CA: California authorities have stated that a clash between supporters and haters of the Oakland Raiders ended with one fan biting off another man's finger. Ventura County Sheriff's…
Shaq to Attempt Career in the NBA
Cleveland, OH: Actor/rapper/social satirist Shaquille O'Neal announced this morning that, having attempted nearly every other career field known to man, he will begin in the fall to play professional basketball.…