Americans Mistake Chechens for Alien Race in Defiance
Boston, MA: As the dust has settled and suspects are gathered up in relation to the bombing at the Boston Marathon, it seems that more questions than answers are rising.…
Congress Passes Gun Control
Washington, DC: Today, a joint commission of Republicans and Democrats called a press conference to announce they had finally come to an agreement and passed landmark gun control legislation, an…
Assh*les Unite Against Sodomy
Richmond, Virginia: Yesterday, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli organized a rally in front of the state court house in support of anti-sodomy laws. Cuccinelli reached out to groups all over…
North Korea to US: We Could Totally Kick Your Ass. We Just Don’t Feel Like It Right Now
Washington, DC: Today, officials in North Korea issued a strongly worded threat to the US assuring Americans that the North Korean military power is much stronger than theirs. The exact…
The Cynical Comedian’s View on Gay Marriage
While the Supreme Court justices decide how to vote to repeal Proposition 8 without looking too “gay”, and how to vote to keep Proposition 8 without looking too ridiculous, we…
Mississippi Rallies Behind Obesity
Jackson, MS: This week, Governor Phil Bryant signed into law a ban on regulation of portion size and nutrition, officially endorsing Mississipians’ rights to eat themselves into a coma. The…
Sequester Season: Tips for Falling off the Cliff
Washington DC: On Thursday, President Obama signed into effect the spending cuts known officially as the sequester and unofficially as the collapse of the American Empire. There were tear-filled eyes…
Marco Rubio Pledges to be More Latino, Moist
Tallahassee, Florida: In a press conference today in his home state, Senator Marco Antonio Ricardo Carlos Velasquez Rubio announced that he was going “Full-Latino”, adding at the end of his…
State of the Union 2013: Obama and the GOP Find Common Ground in Finger-Pointing
Washington, DC: Obama’s state of the union speech and the GOP’s response agreed on a common point: That it’s all the other guy’s fault. Obama came out smiling and looking…
US Government Cites Lemon Law Against S&P
Los Angeles, CA: “Toxic” mortgages have long been one of the associated problems that helped jump-start the 2008 financial crisis. The United States government finally went into action against a…