Elf On The Shelf Found Dead
Tragedy has struck the holiday season, as an elf on the shelf at the Madison famiy residence was found mutilated in front of the living room fireplace early this morning.
Music Artist/Dictator Kim Jong-il Dies Amid Speculation
Pyongyang, NORTH KOREA: The highly possible, thought to have already happened and covered up by the use of body-doubles, has supposedly happened: North Korean dictator/rap artist/movie director/aviator trend-setter has passed…
Tommy Lee Jones Reportedly Killed in Libya
Sirte, LIBYA: The world lost a legend today, as Libyan revolutionary forces surrounded the village of Sirte in a man-hunt for Tommy Lee Jones, who allegedly died in a shoot-out…
Local Idiot Prepares for Canadian Thanksgiving
New York, NY: The holiday season is gearing up for its launch as Halloween looms closer. For one citizen, the holiday season is already here, as Paul Emmerlan prepares to…
Hurricane Irene to Strike Greenland with a Vengeance
Quaqortoq, GREENLAND: The path of hurricane Irene has been set to ride the mid to north-eastern coast of the United States, causing residents to panic in their own ways. However,…
Austrian Atheist Breaks Dane Cook Punchline Record
Vienna, AUSTRIA: For years, the wince-enticing entertainer known has Dane Cook has held a record that few believed was sought after, much less able to be broken. That record is…
News Sources Report on Death of Armin Van Buuren
Washington, DC: It is all but official. After being on the minds of the American public for almost 10 years after the terrorist activities he masterminded from across the Atlantic…
World Prepares for Non-Royal Wedding
St. Louis, MO: For what seems like 5 years, the anticipated royal wedding between Prince William and Catherine Middleton has loomed larger and larger. Luckily, the wedding, which is likely…
Supermoon Terrorizes East Coast
New York, NY: This past weekend tragedy struck, as that orbiting chunk of rock, the moon, came a whole 2 inches closer to the Earth than usual. The proximity caused…
Gay Marriage is the Gateway Marriage
Bob Bordus of the Straight Marriage for Maryland group has finally added a new argument in the anti-gay marriage arsenal. “Gay marriage is the gateway marriage. Just like marijuana is…