Local Jerk Plans Itinerary for Titanic II
New York, NY: When the world learned that Australian billionaire Clive Palmer was building a replica of the biggest disaster to ever float through the sea, most people believed that…
Businessman Sells Canned Air in China: Coca-Cola, Pepsi and Nestlé Vie for Patent
Beijing, CHINA: For many, the news that Chinese multimillionaire Chen Guangbiao was selling cans of pristine air in China followed with laughs usually leading to a reference to Mel Brooks’…
US Government Cites Lemon Law Against S&P
Los Angeles, CA: “Toxic” mortgages have long been one of the associated problems that helped jump-start the 2008 financial crisis. The United States government finally went into action against a…
HOLY SH*T: Star Wars 3D Regurgitation Postponed
In A Galaxy We Thought Was Far, Far Away: When Disney first acquired Lucasfilm and all rights attached to the company, many a Star Wars fan were fearful of what…
Oregon Bill Introduces New Era of Taxes on Not Doing Stuff
Salem, OR: In the upcoming legislative session, Oregon lawmakers are set to consider imposing a tax on fuel-efficient vehicles for revenue lost from drivers not purchasing gasoline. The law would…
Twinkie Hoarding By Fat Mess Validated
Oshkosh, WI: It seemed that, due to urban legend, Twinkies would far outlive humanity due to their shelf-life. Due to the potential of Hostess (the makers of Twinkies and other…
Apple to Follow up iPad Mini with iPhone Mini
Cupertino, CA: Pre-ordering for Apple’s iPad mini is well underway for the physical release November 2nd, but that shouldn’t stop Apple from taking the next step as soon as possible:…
Fun With Math: NFL Officials and the End of the Lockout
With the NFL’s lockout of the usual field officials finally over, pending that a majority of the union members sign off, we can once again enjoy professional football games without…
Chick-fil-A Decision for Muppets Recall Due to Safety of Heterosexuality
College Park, GA: The battle for the attentions of fast food consumers nationwide rages on, as Chick-fil-A has gotten more advertising for its ridiculously boring chicken and pickle sandwich then…
Burger King Launches More Bacon
Miami, FL: This week, Burger King’s ambitious new product line becomes available to customers. Going along with the release of the much talked-about sundae last week, the products are all…