Shock Therapy Could Erase Painful Memories Like Seeing “The Iron Giant”
Shock therapy could lead to the deletion of selective memory. Yes, just like in that movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Polar Vortex Leads to Officially ‘Fucking Cold’ Temperatures
With twenty-six states in the midst of wind-chill warnings and other temperature alerts due to a polar vortex, meteorologists across the Midwest have finally come to an agreement: it's fucking…
Delta Airlines Starts “We Hate Everyone, Equally” Campaign
Delta Airlines announced a new policy that it hopes will foster an atmosphere of equal-opportunity hatred towards and from all its customers.
North Korea Faxes South Korea Threatening Message Due to Faulty Dial-up Connection
The cutting edge technology of the North Korean military was displayed once again as officials in North Korea allegedly faxed a threat to the South Korea.
Shia LaBeouf Apologizes for Plagiarized Apology for Plagiarizing Dan Clowes
Shia LaBeouf just can't stop plagiarizing!
World Shocked that A&E Shocked by Duck Dynasty Star’s Bigoted Comments
In a recent news report that has surprised no one, bearded hillbilly patriarch Phil Robertson of the bearded hillbilly A&E reality show Duck Dynasty is believed to be a racist,…
Anthropologists Uncover Missing Hillbilly Link of Evolution
New developments in the mating patterns of neanderthals point to hillbillies being the missing link on the evolutionary ladder.
Spoiled Rich Kids Cower In Terror of Affluenza Outbreak
It has now been learned that being a spoiled rich kid also comes with the genetic disposition to become afflicted with a harrowing condition known as affluenza.
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There's a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they're not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.
Dick Cousin Refuses to Pass Gravy on Thanksgiving
Preliminary reports for Thanksgiving indicate that dick cousin Andrew McDonald refused to pass anyone the gravy boat.