New Yorkers Critical of Santana’s Imperfect No-Hitter
Flushing, NY: The critical eye of New York cast its gaze upon the Mets once again, as ace pitcher Johan Santana pitched a complete no-hitter against the St. Louis Cardinals…
World War Z Begins with Miami Zombie Attack
Miami, FL: What has been pop culture myth and a horror film focus has quickly become reality, as zombie-like attacks have begun surfacing in Miami, Florida. The latest involved a…
Rumors Emerge About iPhone 5 Spokesperson
Cupertino, CA: This past month, the technology rumor mill has been cranking in anticipation of Apple’s latest legendary invention: the iPhone…5. While the idea is plausible that the iPhone 5…
Local Idiot Misunderstands Garage Sale
Springfield, OH: A normal garage sale on a normal neighborhood block turned into mayhem this past weekend, as local Springfield resident Nicholas Glunt learned what a garage sale really is,…
Eli Manning to Host SNL as a Tree
New York, NY: With this weekend’s announcement that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning will be hosting NBC’s Saturday Night Live on May 5th, fans, both of the show and…
Google Glasses Ignore Warnings from Futurama
For the first time since its launch as a search engine, the internet monolith Google has done the seemingly impossible: beat Apple to a technological advancement by ripping off a…
Slighted Man Adds Ex’s Hoo-Ha to Foursquare
New York, NY: Spring is a time of rejuvenation, a time when “a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”, as Alfred Lord Tennyson put it. Unfortunately, the…
Giant Cartoon Mau5head Slams Madonna for Drug References
Miami, FL: The conclusion of the Ultra Music Festival in Miami was business as usual when a man wearing a giant, bright pink cartoon mouse helmet accused the now literal…
Tiger Woods Wins to Get Back Pride, Pimping Lifestyle
Orlando, FL: A Tiger Woods span of 923 days and 27 tournaments. No, this is not how long he’s held the #1 spot in the PGA. He lost that spot…
Coroner Reports Whitney Houston Did Not OD on Soap Scum
Los Angeles, CA: After almost a month and a half of examination, blood testing, and the repetition of “I Will Always Love You” written by Dolly Parton, the LA Coroners…