Florida Man Decides Bangladesh Ain’t No Real Place
Odessa, FL: If there is one thing that Travis Grauman is good at, it’s shoplifting. By his own estimation, he has stolen hundreds of dollars worth of candy and disposable…
Vegan Angry After Being Served Grass-Fed Wheatgrass
Toluca Lake, CA: On Monday, Betty Moonshadow felt abnormally tired after an especially long day at the free range chicken farm she manages with her life partner and decided she…
Ryan Gosling Role of Hollywood Hottie to be Filled by Joe Schmo
Tampa, FL: Last month, it was announced that Canadian actor Ryan Gosling would be taking a break from acting. Gosling held a press conference at the Beverly Hills Hotel to…
Jonathan Lipnicki Named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year
Decatur, IL: Jonathan Lipnicki, the diminutive star of Jerry Maguire and The Jeff Foxworthy Show has been named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2013. Lipnicki, who at 22…
Andy Dick to Star in Andy Dick Biopic as Andy Dick
Los Angeles, CA: After three years of negotiation with Dreamworks, Hollywood Legend Andy Dick has finally agreed to star in an upcoming film about his life. According to sources, Steven…
Neil Patrick Harris Admits to Barney Character Acting
New York, NY: With the end of How I Met Your Mother on the horizon, Neil Patrick Harris recently came to terms with a screen rumor about his character in…
St. Joseph, Baby Jesus’ Adoptive Father, Tired of Being Ignored
Galilee, ISRAEL: St. Joseph, husband of Mary and adoptive father of Jesus H. Christ, wants to make it known that he is “sick and tired of being ignored.” According to…
Morris Claiborne, NFL Prospect, Unsure Who Wonderlic Is
Morris Claiborne, a highly touted cornerback from LSU who is destined to be a top-ten pick in this year’s NFL draft, is retarded. Claiborne, who is skilled on the field…
Shia LaBeouf Decides on Fallback Career
Vancouver, BC- CANADA: Shia LaBeouf, the awkward-looking "star" of the famously horrific 'Transformers' franchise has, after much consideration, decided on his fallback career. LaBeouf knows that, sooner or later, his…
Man Kills Self with Peanut Butter
In the note, which has been released publicly, Eggerson, 40, pointed to the firing of Charlie Sheen from Two and a Half Men as a primary reason for his suicide.…