Los Angeles, CA: Stephenie Meyer, the super-rich author of the Twilight series, has unveiled plans to publish The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner, a 192-page novella centered on a newborn vampire introduced in the third Twilight novel, Eclipse, in June. Meyer, who has made tens of millions of dollars off of her sub-standard vampire novels and who can’t seem to write anything but books about vampires, admitted to writing the book in a very short time.
“This book took me approximately one week to write,” she said. “It doesn’t take long to write a book 
that’s pretty much a Danielle Steele novel with sparkly vampires.”
Fans of the Twilight series are undaunted by Meyer’s admission. Fans of deer-eating sparkle-fiends and that Native American from Poltergeist II are already lining up outside of local bookstores throughout the country to wait for their copies, even though the release date is more than two months away.
Alexandra Wenton, a 33-year-old unemployed mother of six, has already sent up a tent outside of her local Barnes & Noble in Des Moines, Iowa. Her children, ranging in age from 2 to 12, are currently staying with friends, relatives, and acquaintances.
“There’s not enough room in the tent for all of us, so I put my kids up with other people. I’ll pick them up in June,” she exclaimed proudly.
Her tent neighbor, Barbara Dickman, a 52-year-old self-described spinster, sees nothing wrong with this. “Um, hello, Stephenie is publishing another book. Who cares about some snot-nosed brats?”
John Macklin, manager of the Barnes & Noble, is disturbed by the sight of the tents on his sidewalk. “I’ve never seen anything like this. And the cops refuse to do anything about it because they think it’s funny. I disagree.”
Meyer, when informed of the fan dedication, stated, “I have the best fans in the whole wide world.”
I’m a fan of the Twilight series, but I am able to recognize the fact that it has faults. The Twihards who do stuff like this are the reason most of us who enjoy the books but are level-headed about it are afraid to give anyone the slightest inkling that we’re any manner of fan unless they give us an indication of the same first. I didn’t even TOUCH one of the books until shortly after the second movie came out because the fans were so insane, but after finding that most of my friends were of the level-headed fanbase, I gave them a chance. They’re not exactly masterpieces, but they’re not bad. Nothing is worth abandoning your children for two months, especially not a SHORT NOVELLA WHICH I FINISHED READING IN ONE NIGHT! Yes, I read “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner”, but it was a copy I borrowed from my brother, and we didn’t even know it existed until we happened to stumble across it in the book aisle at K-Mart while looking at nothing in particular to see if anything caught our interest.