Washington, DC: Scientists in the nation’s capital are concerned with the drastic increase of “manpris” (Capri pants for men) sightings across the U.S. in recent months. Many believe that the fashion faux pas is a sign of worse things to come – “Davy Dukes” (extremely short shorts for men) being one 
of many disturbing fads with the possibility of making a splash across the country in the near future .
“We just don’t understand this,” said Dr. Henry Shill of Georgetown University. “The number of men wearing Capri pants is sensationally disturbing.”
Shill’s friend and fellow scientist Harold Carr is equally bothered. “Last week, I was in Miami with my wife and kids and we must have come across at least a dozen men wearing Capris. I mean, everybody knows Capris are for women. I had to cover my eight-year-old boy’s eyes countless times so that he would not witness such blasphemy.”
When asked what he would do if his son asked for a pair of Capris, Carr’s answer was immediate and direct.
“Why, I would kick him out of the house. I won’t have my boy wearing Capris. No sir!”
Dr. Paul Green has come to the conclusion that the French are to blame for this latest social problem. “First it was the berets, then it was the hideous speedos, and now the Capris aimed at men. The only good thing to come out of France was French fries – only French fries were created in Belguim. So, I guess that means nothing good ever came out of France.”
When asked if there was a solution to the problem, the answers varied from scientist to scientist. Some suggested a law banning the wearing of the garments, while others suggested removing the articles by force in an effort to publicly humiliate the offender. But there is one thing that they all agree on: men should not, at any time, wear Capris.