Dick Cousin Refuses to Pass Gravy on Thanksgiving
Preliminary reports for Thanksgiving indicate that dick cousin Andrew McDonald refused to pass anyone the gravy boat.
George Zimmerman Currently On Front Lawn Digging Massive Hole
George Zimmerman, arrested once again, is out on his front lawn digging a very large hole and does not show any signs of stopping.
Tea Party Congressman Trey Radel Becomes Bored with Tea, Opts for Cocaine
The Tea Party contemplates a name change after congressmember Trey Radel's recent charge of cocaine possession.
Chris Farley Found Alive and Well in Toronto
It seems that Chris Farley is alive, and has been secretly running Toronto as his alter-ego, Rob Ford.
Storm Leads to Tornadoes, Death, and Fallen Leaves Right Where Local Man Raked
On Sunday, a fast-moving storm lead to the development of a delay in the Chicago Bears game, fallen leaves, as well as a few tornadoes and human casualties.
Special Agent Found Tied Up in Rucksack, Weighted Down with Cinder Blocks, and Locked Up With Chains’ Death Likely “Accidental”
After a full investigation, City of London Chief Inspector David Hammond has ruled the death of MI6 agent Richard Moore a “very unfortunate accident.”
Cards Against Humanity Releases Holiday Bullsh*t
The good people of Cards Against Humanity have released a treat for only the bravest derelicts. It's called "12 Days of Bullshit" where, for $12, they will send you 12…
North Koreans Executed for Watching George Clooney Movies
North Korea continued to put more pressure over its people as, earlier this month, eighty people were executed in public displays for watching George Clooney movies.
Blockbuster Reminds Customers of Existence by Closing Stores
Blockbuster, the home movie rental company that had introduced the American family to such historical relics as "VHS tapes" and "DVDs," surprised consumers by alerting them to the fact that,…
Vote to Extend Breaking Bad Goes Unheeded
The American public became just a bit more jaded by politics yesterday, as the most coordinated write-in vote in the history of US elections was left ignored.