Scientists Celebrate Failure to Find Jack Shit in Dark Matter
Scientists were proud to exclaim that they haven't found jack shit in evidence of dark matter using the LUX.
Say It with Star Wars: Halloween
Sometimes it's hard to place Star Wars references into a holiday. Halloween is almost impossible.
Cat Fans Protest Internet Takeover by Giraffes
A virus has begun to spread at an alarming rate, a virus that just may threaten all that we love and hold dear. At least, what we love and hold…
Russell Brand to Kickstart Apathetic Revolution
In an interview with BBC News broadcaster Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight, erratic comedian-turned erratic political theorist Russell Brand symbolically fired the latest shot of a revolution. An apathetic, philosophical revolution,…
Most Emotionally Distant Galaxy Discovered
In an exciting discovery, astronomers based in Hawaii’s Keck Observatory have confirmed the existence of the “most emotionally distant” galaxy yet.
Halloween Costumes for the Poor and Sarcastic: 2013 Edition
This year, we're being pro-active in our approach to Halloween by telling you all what the top costumes of the season will be for the apathetic and sarcastic on a…
Kansas Considers Corporate Sponsored Suicide Hotlines
In the wake of a $19 million dollar cut to mental health services, Kansas has begun courting corporate sponsors to pick up the rest of the bill.
Congress Celebrates Landmark Budget Punt
After settling on a budget deal last Wednesday, Congress met in front of the Capitol building for the traditional responsibility-punting ceremony.
NSA Leaks Reporter Leaves Guardian After Being Offered Amazing Position by Mysterious Man in Black
Journalist Glenn Greenwald from the Guardian receives dream opportunity from man in black.
Street Vendors Take to NYC Streets Hoping to be Mistaken for Banksy
NY street vendors strive to be mistaken for Bansky himself in the hopes of selling their work for at least 10 times their asking price. Or even just their original…