Las Vegas, NV: In a news report this weekend that surprised no one, it has been learned that several western US states are in the midst of a heat wave, recording temperatures in the triple digits this early in late June.
Reports from the National Weather Service posted that the temperature of the Death Valley National Park had hit 128 degrees on Sunday, while the Los Angeles Times had recorded a temperature of 129.9 a mere 200 yards away.
“I can’t remember the last time it was this hot around here,” stated park ranger William Reynolds. “It must have been way back, nearly 100 or 12 months ago. Those were some rough times, especially if you had to be outside.”
Las Vegas was particularly grueling for the .01% of locals and tourists that were not hiding in casinos, as is the custom of Las Vegas hibernation at this time of year. The city posted a temperature of 117 degrees. It was confirmed that the temperature was not taken by the volcano at The Mirage.
All around the vicinity of the western deserts of The Great Basin, The Mojave, The Sonoran, and even part of The Chihuahuan, local residents are resorting to changing their clothing from jeans and linen shirts to shorts and T-shirts.
When asked about the situation, resident Get The Fuck Out of My Face from Sit and Spin exclaimed, “It’s fucking hot!”
Outcries such as these for assistance from President Obama and The National Guard for fresh water, underwear, and deodorant seems to have been ignored, if an outcry has even happened.
Meanwhile, temperatures for western coastal cities seemed to be normal. At least, as normal as they were last year.