New York, NY: After three months of deliberation, The United States Supreme Court dismissed the case of Hollingsworth v. Perry, which considered the constitutionality of California’s same-sex marriage ban (aka Proposition 8). While the Supreme Court did not directly deem DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) as unconstitutional, the dismissal of this case seems to allow same-sex couples to marry after directly opposing the law of Proposition 8. The law itself is still active in California.
This ruling, however, may open proceedings for more direct action, both politically and regionally, in support of gay marriage.
“It’s a step in the right direction,” stated California lesbian Brianne Carter. “Before this ruling, I couldn’t flat-out just marry my girlfriend. Now it’s like a green-card marriage. I have to go through a pile of red-tape, but it can be done.”
While social media and news reports were teeming with victory quotes, one group was dismayed, and even terrified: the Christian right.
Countless right-leaning Christian households began stockpiling food supplies, gasoline, and weapons upon hearing the Supreme Court’s ruling after just seeing Brad Pitt in World War Z. They have unofficially began using the terms “gay apocalypse” and “World War LGBTQ”
“I have to be prepared for war,” exclaimed Dallas native Charlie McIntry. “I’m manning the battle-stations with my family to fight off the hordes of gays that’ll spread through this country. I don’t want to get bit and turn gay or somethin.”
When asked what had begun such fearful preparation, Mr. McIntry stated, “That Lewis Black warned us. Gay banditos are comin for our women and children!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-id4GKsaQk
Apparently, the joke is on the rest of us.