New York, NY: Someone give Alec Baldwin a time out! He has now pummeled three members of the press–and counting.
The latest reporter to feel the wrath of Alec was Inept Owl reporter Larry Feinstein, who was slapped in the face by Alec Baldwin as Alec drove past him on his mountain bike. 
When asked why a soon-to-be married man who was getting his marriage license at a courthouse would be so angry, Larry replied, “Well, he is a soon to be married guy. Isn’t that enough to get a guy angry? All I asked Alec was why his bike ran over the foot of a second reporter named Jerome “Curley” Howardo; who had only asked Alec why he attacked the first casualty of the press, Daily News reporter Marcus Santos.” Alec then confronted Larry and Curley and snarled, “Oh, two wise guys, huh? Why you I oughta–See this fist?” Alec then proceeded to rip a handful of Larry’s hair out and repeatedly slapped Curley in the face. The onslaught ended with a punch to Mr. Howardo’s ample belly and Alec saying, “Now I can get my marriage license! Thanks, guys!”
In related news, his future wife, yoga instructor, Hilaria Thomas, hugged three paparazzis at the same courthouse after stating: “I’m on my way to get divorce papers which you know I’ll eventually serve him.”
None of this has gone unnoticed.
Two lawsuits have been filed against Mr. Baldwin. One was by his brothers Steve, Billy and Daniel Baldwin, citing Alec for “career desertion” by not “sending them the excess of photographers and reporters that were trailing him.”
The second lawsuit is by The New York Press Club, citing that they are suing Mr. Baldwin for his actions and that all collected funds will go to fund a new organization called P.O.P. – “Protect Our Paparazzi’s.” They noted, “This is a free country; and every illiterate man should have the right to take pictures of a puffy actor who makes a living reading cue cards.”