Eli Manning to Host SNL as a Tree

New York, NY: With this weekend’s announcement that New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning will be hosting NBC’s Saturday Night Live on May 5th, fans, both of the show and Eli, became anxious about what this would mean.

Would it be as wildly successful as Peyton Manning’s 2007 hosting duties that led to numerous commercials? Would it be as wildly forgettable as Tom Brady’s hosting duties in 2004?(Yes, the staff at The Inept Owl had forgotten, too.) Or would it be something else altogether, a stage failure so epic that sketch comedy itself would be frozen in time and space, keeping the masses from being entertained until the Mayan calendar, and indeed the world came to an end?

Luckily, Lorne Michaels and the rest of NBC decided to dodge all of these possibilities, as it is rumored that Eli Manning will be hosting the show as a tree or, in other scenes, an audience member.

“I think it’s genius,” stated sketch comic Patrick AE about the rumor. “We’ve always had that stereotype that a bad actor or actress in grammar school, high school, and even college would get some ridiculous non-speaking role, like a tree or a crowd extra. These days, producers allow people like Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton, and Wayne Brady to have starring roles. I’m glad NBC isn’t going to tank SNL forever by letting Eli take the hosting duties too seriously.”

During Eli Manning’s segments, the host will indeed either be featured as a tree, a rock, or as an audience member depending on what each sketch segment entails. It has also been noted that the cameraman will not be told where Eli Manning is during the segment so there is no focus on him in case he screws up as said tree, rock, or audience member.

“You’d think we could trust Eli to sit still and not look ridiculous, but you’re talking about a quarterback that wears an over-sized helmet, drools, and throws left-handed interceptions instead of taking the sack,” explained sports analyst Steve Levine. “And SNL did get rid of Jimmy Fallon for a reason.”