Los Angeles, CA: After almost a month and a half of examination, blood testing, and the repetition of “I Will Always Love You” written by Dolly Parton, the LA Coroners Office released the official findings on the death of Whitney Houston. To the dismay of family, friends, and fans, the cause of the death was not an overdose on bathtub soap scum as was previously believed.
When the 48-year-old former pop star was found dead in a hotel bathtub last month, the first thought on cause of death had to do with the ingestion of soap scum because, as far as anyone knew, Whitney Houston couldn’t afford baking soda.
“Here was a woman who really hadn’t been heard from since co-starring with Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard,” explained local cele-gossipist Marilyn Morgan. “To be honest, I thought she died a long time ago until the sex tape rumor surfaced. What could she possibly afford if those sex tapes weren’t real? Whatever is handy. Bathtub water? Why not?”
Luckily, this was not the case, as family, friends, and fans were consoled that Whitney Houston was able to afford the items in her toxicology report, which included Xanax, Flexeril, marijuana, Benadryl, and traces of cocaine.