Council Bluffs, IA: Texas Governor Rick Perry gave his presidential campaign a jump-start today with the beginning of a 42-city tour in Iowa in order to strengthen his bid during the Iowa caucuses. Unfortunately, the tour stalled for a moment, when on of Perry’s slick media transportation bus allegedly ran into electrical problems, forcing a replacement to be found.
The replacement: a 2-tiered rainbow-colored British tour bus that public relations agents quickly draped with Rick Perry logos.
“The tour was going to go on with or without that last bus,” explained political pundit and news correspondent Larry Blitzer. “Considering how the media is so vital in marketing campaigns, we were forced to take the best possible replacement on hand. Luckily, a group of pro-gay activists were on-hand to lend their own transportation vehicle.”
The choice of bus replacement has been considered by some to be karmic retribution brought on by Perry’s recent advertisement that many critics have found to be homophobic in nature. Others see it as issue-muddling as the ad itself, since the issue of the ad seems to be more focused on bringing more religious freedom to state and federal issues.
“Rick Perry just wants to be able to be as openly Christian as gay people are openly homosexual,” stated conservative pundit Ronald O’Shea. “I bet he’d allow gay people to open a big, gay church for gay people to sing gay hymns in if he were elected president, so long as he could demean that church on account of his own freedom of Christian beliefs.”
To make the issue even more confusing, American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer went on the air yesterday and told listeners that if they were one of the 600,000+ people who ‘disliked’ Rick Perry’s ‘Strong’ ad on Youtube, then they approved of bestiality. O’Shea denied this idea.
“Rick Perry does not officially reject the value of people who have sex with sheep and/or cattle,” explained O’Shea. “He merely wants to be as open about his Christian beliefs as a man who lathers his privates in peanut butter when his dog gets hungry. He never states that the two are mutually exclusive in value.”
Rick Perry was unavailable for comment, as he had left his own tour after only an hour to fly to Des Moines where he will not attend an anti-abortion rally with Mike Huckabee.