Los Angeles, CA: When it comes to Lindsay Lohan being naked, few things can surprise the masses. This is, in part, due to the many paparazzi photos that seem to catch female celebrities in just that right moment, whether it be by use of a camera’s burst mode as she leaves a car, or as she walks into a coffee house to get a vanilla latte while topless.
It is believed that, because of the multiple exclusive shots of Lindsay’s spread in the streets , Miss Lohan chose to feature her nude self in the movie Machete in order to present her privates on her terms: as a drug-using socialite that wants to legitimately break into the music and film industry, and has a three-way with her mother and Danny Trejo to do it.
Now the trifecta is complete, as Lindsay Lohan completed a Marilyn Monroe-type nude spread, which was leaked onto the internet like everything else late yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately for Lindsay and Playboy, the hype that the creators had hoped for clearly wasn’t there.
“You know, there’s only so many times you can see a woman’s breasts until you feel like you’re watching a feature on the last tribes of the Incas,” stated blogger Mark Williams. “Lindsay Lohan’s breasts have clearly fallen into that category. The fact that she re-invented the Monroe spread is like dressing a gorilla in a silk robe, at this point.”
Even critics that wanted to see Lindsay Lohan naked, again, were highly critical of her photos. “The air-brushing for this shoot was too obvious,” stated Lindsay-obsessed beat writer Andrew Krump. “Not only did the use of vintage screening in the photo-editing soften Lindsay’s freckles, but they made the blurring and skin-overlaying used to cover track marks that much easier to hide. They might as well have created a Lindsay Lohan cartoon and put that in the spread, or superimpose Lindsay’s face on the original Monroe spread and call it a day.”
There are some, however, that believe the air-brushing complaints are false.
“Anyone who saw Lindsay in her latest courtroom debacle would, of course, believe that she and the woman in Playboy couldn’t possibly be the same,” explained beautician Anne Wilkes. “But this merely shows that Lindsay just isn’t capable of applying her own make-up anymore. Luckily, there was someone on scene for the Playboy shoot to help her. Seriously, it looked like she had a footprint on her forehead!”
With the official showing of the Playboy spread set for Ellen DeGeneres’s talk show later next week, it is possible the leaked happened so that writers for the show could create explanations of the photos for Lindsay to read, rather than be answered with a blank, confused stare.