Hollywood, CA: This past evening, television audiences were protected from being horrified as legal columnist and 
talk-show host Nancy Grace’s 51 year old breast became exposed on “Dancing with the Stars”.
Due to expert camera-work, the boob was not televised, however ratings were so low for the show that pictures and videos of the accident were released this morning in a belief that nudity, no matter what the age, would attract viewers. Instead, the footage brought back repressed memories of the last time elderly boobage gathered national attention: Kathy Bates in About Schmidt.
It was at the moment that Kathy Bates rose from the hot-tub that Jack Nicholson was sitting in that a schism was realized: there were breasts in this world that the male population wished to see at all times, and there were breasts that they did not wish to view, ever.
For almost ten years, this realization had been repressed for the safety of men everywhere, until this morning when one unsuspecting individual, Paul Emmerlan, saw the words “Nipple Slip” in his newsfeed and began the torturing of men worldwide.
“It looked like it would be a cool celebrity peek, like Scarlett Johansson or Mischa Barton,” explained Mr. Emmerlan. “I didn’t know it was going to be…ugh. I didn’t know! I didn’t know!”
The interview was cut short as Mr. Emmerlan proceeded to run for the bathroom and vomit for over an hour.
The Supreme Court will rule on whether or not Nancy Grace’s breast could be classified as lewd, as they did in the case of Janet Jackson.