New York, NY: Fear, destruction, and death have taken over the boroughs of Manhattan once again. Some would blame it on climate change. Others, President Obama, or underground mole people igniting bombs underground.
The true culprit, according to an anonymous source, may be even more dangerous, or ridiculous. Our source, signing his or her name with the monicker “Handsome”, stated one thing in an email with no reply address: Watch your back. The Shadow Government is watching.
Upon researching of The Shadow Government, it was learned that the name was held by a community of thrill-seekers that have made the streets of many major metropolitan areas, including New York City, Vancouver, and London, their personal playground with a 3 week game of deception, covert operations, and squirt-gun assassinations: Street Wars. The leader of this entertainment coup went only by “Supreme Commander”, assisted by “Moustache Commander” and “Mr. Stevens”.
From September 19th to October 9th, the streets of New York will become a war-zone: drive-by shootings, soaked explosions, and public assassinations will create widespread panic as innocent bystanders rush for cover.
“I was a victim in this game last year”, stated socialite Nancy Carter. “I was outside a coffee shop speaking with a friend, when all of a sudden a water balloon hit met directly in the head from above. Drenched me, and ruined by cardigan! I couldn’t speak for hours because of the trauma.” Supposedly, through an online posting that was found, the water balloon was intended for a Street Wars target going by the name ” Ted Nugent Junior”, showing just how dangerous this game could be to the general public.
Local officials have mandated that the game be corralled, replacing the fire-arms of local law enforcement with water pistols in order to take down the game assassins.
“We can’t just have a water war going on with innocent people getting caught in the crossfire,” stated NYPD officer Ryan Crowder. “We’ve worked too hard cleaning up New York to let it deteriorate like this again.”
While many see the squirt-gun assassination game as merely entertaining, others fear that it may be leading to bigger things. There is evidence that supports the idea that Hurricane Irene was actually instigated by a Street Wars player, albeit a bit early, in order to wipe out the competition as early as possible.
Although fearful of getting wet, many New Yorkers have decided that it may be safer to be a part of the competition rather be a casualty of it. If you or someone you know wish to enter Street Wars, contact The Shadow Government here. Then again, they may have already contacted you.
WARNING: What you are about to see is actual video of a public assassination during Street Wars, and may be deemed violent or offensive to some audience members. Viewer discretion is advised.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/9LdI_-gydm0[/youtube]