Los Angeles, CA: There’s only one day before the red carpet rollout for the 2011 People’s Choice Awards, and already an audience has overrun Chick Hearn Court and Olympic Boulevard. However, the throngs of crying and screaming fans aren’t high school girls hoping to catch sight of Justin Bieber. This year’s red carpet walls are made up of straight men, age 16-32. The reason? Mila Kunis is single.
In the wake of gossip, scandal, and whatever else men usually don’t worry about in their daily lives, Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin have officially called it quits as a couple after almost 8 years. While the ex-duo have made no press releases to the reasons behind the split, new spotlight gossip columnists have been weighing in heavily since the news broke yesterday.
“I heard he[Macaulay Culkin] was gay. Isn’t that what most of these pretty-boy Hollywood types suffer from?” stated Joey Billancio, a former trucker who now has his own column in Vogue.
“We really have to read between the lines about this relationship,” explained Arnold “Tug Boat” Statham, a former plumber that now writes for TMZ.com. “They lived together all this time, never got engaged, and now just split? I think it’s obvious: Mac doesn’t want kids, Mila does. Case closed.”
Most notable about the break-up is that Mila Kunis will be walking the red carpet solo at the People’s Choice Awards on Wednesday. The news has given the award show a resurgence it has not seen in the last 10 years, as men from all over the globe are flying in to Los Angles to get a chance to throw Mila their contact information when she walks into the Nokia Theater.
“Tomorrow will be the happiest day of my life. We love you, Mila!” exclaimed Eli Moregno, a fan that has been waiting by the velvet rope of the Nokia Theater since 11:45pm last night.
Due to the popularity of the Mila walk, all other celebrities will be using the back door to the theater, while Joan Rivers will interview Mila Kunis for the whole hour of the red carpet preview.