Dallas, TX: With former president George Bush touring the United States to promote his memoir book, “Decision Points”, one question seems to arise from all his interviews with Oprah, Jon Stewart, and Howard Stern: “Who really wrote this book?”
The memoirs cover much of what has shaped the majority’s view of President Bush: made-up vocabulary, education, geography interpretations, Dick Cheney. It also covers President Bush’s opinions on the opinions of his presidency, in such a candid dissection that made many wonder who the ghost writer was that interpreted Bush’s words and put pen to paper in drafting and editing the former president’s endeavors.
“Let me make it assuredly so: I wrote this whole book,” stated President Bush in an interview with The Inept Owl. “I may not have used a fancy pendant and papyrus, but with technologic today, who needs it?”
In lieu of normal book drafting, Bush explained that he was sold the latest in note-taking technology in order to better capture the former president’s method of thought. The intent was for President Bush to skip the need to work on annoying details such as spelling and grammar in order to get to the heart of his thoughts and wisdom.
“This thing does wonders! All I need to do is speak into it, and it types the words into the computer I had Laura turn on for me,” explained Bush. “I wrote my whole book using it, without any need for an editor.”
The editing producers of “Decision Points” explained the device more thoroughly. “Yes, it is a Speak & Spell. We didn’t know what else to give him,” explained Editor-in-Chief Paul Emmerlan. “While we wanted to give him a voice recorder and have someone organize the mess that was sure to come, it wouldn’t have worked. The book had to be in his own words. How else would we be able to market it in the humor section of bookstores?”
While the Speak & Spell may seem crude, Mr. Emmerlan explained that anything more advanced would have been a waste. “This is George Bush we’re talking about. Do you honestly think we could have gotten him to sit down and read in order to teach a dictation program his language? Not to mention trying to teach him how to use it. No, Speak & Spell was the way to go. We had to tweak it a bit in order to connect to a computer, but it was worth it.”
When asked about the device, Bush merely exclaimed, “It repeated ‘misunderestimate‘! I knew that was a word. Shame on you rest for telling me other-whose.”