New York, NY: Every college student quickly learns during their first week away from Mom and Dad that nightclub cover charges suck.
Except on “Ladies Nights,” when owning a vagina gets you in for free.
While most young men may piss and moan about this unfairness for about two seconds before being distracted by a set of young knockers in a glittery tank top, “men’s rights” lawyer Ralph Ben Hokum thinks it’s downright unconstitutional. And so, he took the nightclubs to court.
“For millennia, women have ruled the world,” stated Hokum. “They’ve run our households while men had to run our governments. They made dinner while men made our laws. They had tea while men headed up our churches. They birthed children while men managed our Fortune 500 companies. It’s downright unfair and it’s time to stop the oppression of men!”
Hokum took five New York nightclubs to court, claiming that they should be barred from offering specials deals to women. “Ladies’ Nights are unconstitutional!” he stated in court. “They’re just one of the many guerilla tactics of the women who want to remain in power!”
The court, however, disagreed.
“Ladies’ Nights are just a part of the nightclub business,” stated the Honorable V.J. Jenkins, the judge who presided 
over the case. “If women get in free, more women will visit the nightclub. The more women in the nightclub, the more men will want to go to the nightclub. The more women and men in the nightclub, the more drinks the nightclub sells. It’s just a good business strategy.”
“But it’s not fair!” Hokum yelled at the judge, stamping his foot.
This was not the first time Hokum has gone to court over men’s rights. In 2006, he took Dr. Les Richards (a gynecologist) to court because she refused to see him as a patient. Then, in 2008, he tried to sue Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood for “enhancing female sexuality, which contributes to male pleasure and, thus, male oppression.”
“Hokum just needs to get laid,” stated Virginia Allman, lawyer for the nightclubs in the most recent case. “But that likely won’t happen considering how every vagina clenches shut when within five feet of him.”