Nashville, TN: In a recent battle for the artistic innocence of pop stars, 17 year old Miley Cyrus has taken up the fight for feminism and double standards. The action came after she had received criticism for her pole-dance act during a recent concert tour for Can’t Be Tamed.
The young starlet took offense that her stage presence would be seen as such a problem, when acts such as Justin Beiber and Adam Lambert rarely receive harsh comments.
“If a guy gets on stage, gyrates his hips, and takes his shirt off, people see him as macho, and a normal kind of 
man,” explained Miss Cyrus. “But if a young woman prances around in hooker boots, tight leather, and spins around on a pole gyrating her hips while people fling dollar bills at her, then people start calling her slutty. That’s a double standard, and it’s not right.”
When it was mentioned that Adam Lambert lost a performance on the Today Show because he did just that, Miss Cyrus explained, “Yeah, but he’s gay. That’s almost like being a woman, so he’s in the same boat I’m in.”
It is undeniable that Miley Cyrus’ image has indeed changed as she has grown up. As the confusing star of “Hannah Montana” on the Disney Channel, Miss Cyrus seemed almost like a grown-up version of the Olsen twins on “Full House”: cute, in a gremlinesque type of way. Like the Olsen twins, and apparently Wizard of Oz star Judy Garland, Miss Cyrus began her crusade to un-do her good girl image at the age of sixteen. This surprisingly coincides with the time frame most red-blooded American girls act out, start dating, and yell at their mothers.
However, a group of sociologists have found that Miss Cyrus’ double standard accusation is less like a victory for feminism and more like a dumb celebrity quote.
“The problem with calling this situation a double standard is audience,” explained Dr. Theodore Kessler. “Acts like Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Justin Beiber have a specific focus: junior high school girls and younger. This age group doesn’t know what sex appeal is, exactly, but they yell and scream as if they do. When Miley Cyrus decided to try and change her image, her focus left this age group, and went toward a wholly different audience: dirty old men. This is the only age group that would not only get excited by Miss Cyrus’ stage antics, but would also be so hard of hearing that they could not hear her horrid siren voice.”
While it is true that recent Miley Cyrus concerts have shown that 75% of the audience is made up of crusty old white men waving dollar bills, it is quite possible that the age could be lowered to the 25-30 year old age bracket when Miss Cyrus gets past her music and is old enough for a photo shoot in MAXIM.
More pictures please !