Newark, NJ: Donna Simpson, the New Jersey woman famous for seeking the title of “World’s Fattest Woman”, has filed a complaint against a married couple for trespassing inside her vagina. According to Ms.
Simpson, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Abelsohn, both in their seventies, entered her orifice as she rested on a bus stop bench outside of the Krispy Kreme located near her home.
“I was sitting there, minding my own business, when this elderly couple walked right into my vagina,” Simpson complained. “I dropped my box of donuts and screamed for the police. Then I picked up the donuts , dusted them off, and ate them before the police arrived.”
When the police arrived, they were forced to spread Ms. Simpson’s legs in order to extract the couple, who admittedly got lost in Ms. Simpson’s massive folds of excess skin. An ambulance was called and CPR was administered to Mr. Abelsohn, who panicked once he realized that he was inside a strange woman’s vagina.
When questioned by police about the mix-up, Mrs. Abelsohn explained, “We don’t see too good. And from far away, we thought she was a house. It wasn’t until we entered the tunnel that we realized that we had made a mistake. It’s a good thing the police came because who knows what would have happened if we had accidentally entered her stomach. We could have drowned in glazed donuts.”
Ms. Simpson refuses to accept this explanation and promises to seek prosecution for the elderly couple. “If my own boyfriend refuses to touch my vagina, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let those old fogeys in there. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat a dozen pies.”