Washington, DC: For a short stint this week, Senator Harry Reid(D-NV) was the subject of controversy due to quotes in the book “Game Change” that have made even the most right-wing Republicans pretend to wince.
In the book, Sen. Reid was quoted in a conversation as saying that Obama would be a successful choice for president because he is a “light-skinned” African-American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.”
Democrats across the nation rallied against Sen. Reid for the ridiculously politically incorrect statement, until it
was found out that he was actually a Democrat himself, and the Senate Majority Leader, no less.
At that point, Republicans across the globe began citing the controversy. “See? He’s even worse!” exclaimed former Representative Tom Tancredo. “Now that we’ve cleared my old aide, Marc Epstein, I’m running for president next term.”
“That one was pretty direct. It makes my watermelon reference seem tame,” stated former Los Alamitos mayor Dean Grose.
However, not all Republicans seemed to be on board with this power shift. In as little as two days, two iconic Conservatives have done their very best to take back the limelight from Sen. Reid: Pat Robertson and Rush Limbaugh.
“The earthquake in Haiti truly was a ‘blessing in disguise,’ as Mr. Robertson put it,” explained PR representative Marshall Fleiss. “Without this travesty, it could have been months before we were able to plant our feet back into our mouths.”
“They’ve been pretty quiet, lately. I actually thought the Republican Party was going to close up shop,” stated local evolutionary biologist Heath Richards. “But then you hear Robertson using the words ‘devil’ and ‘fact’ together in a sentence, and you know the right is still going strong.”
The claim in question is one of many by Pat Robertson in reference to Haiti: “…they got together and swore a pact with the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story,” stated Robertson.
Rush Limbaugh supported Pat Robertson’s fight to reclaim the crown of ignorance, explaining to his listeners that their tax dollars do not actually go to anything in the United States, but are collected to help other countries.
“See if it was Cuba, I’d be all about it,” explained Limbaugh.
When told that the Red Cross was not actually a government agency, Limbaugh accidentally swallowed his cigar.