Washington, DC: Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the latest media whores who attempted to get their own reality show by doing something stupid, today refused, through their lawyer, to speak with members of Congress investigating 
their actions.
The Salahis gained entry to a White House gathering in late November, despite not having an invitation. They evaded security and were even able to shake hands with President Obama, raising concerns about the level of security at such events. As a result, Congress started an inquiry and are considering sending a subpoena to make the Salahis discuss how they succeeded in their task.
Steven Best, lawyer for the Salahis and star of the Court TV reality show “So You Think You Can Defend An Idiot?” told reporters that the couple intended to invoke their Fifth Amendment rights to refuse to speak with legislators. (Ed. note: The Fifth Amendment of the Constitution prevents guilty-as-charged criminals from having to admit that they did what everybody knows they did.)
However, Bill Fullavit, a close friend of Tareq Salahi, has admitted that there is more to the story. “Tareq and Michaele won’t even show up in DC if subpoenaed. They have no interest in going to Capitol Hill because they were invited. It’s just too easy. If you want to get them into a session in Congress, have a closed-door meeting about Presidential security; you’ll find them in a flash. They’ll be the ones hanging from the chandelier with smug looks on their faces.”
Gail Gibbon, D-Montana, has fired back at the couple about their refusal to testify. “We have a long history of people refusing to testify before us, from insurance company CEOs running scams to Vice Presidents starting up make-believe wars. But at least they had the stones to actually show up and tell us to our faces that we were powerless. I mean… just because we’re not actually even a court doesn’t mean you don’t have to obey our subpoena. Err, right?” (Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is believed to have confirmed this statement with a nod, but it is possible it was just a sleeping head-bob from the octogenarian judge.)
In the meantime, the couple is rumored to have outside assistance in how they handle the ongoing investigation; an unnamed professional golfer from Florida is believed to be assisting them in how to best cooperate with the authorities.
(Come on—you didn’t think a story could come out this week without SOME connection to Tiger Woods, did you?)