Hollywood, CA: After nearly 59 years of being considered legendary, miraculous, and even a little “fruity,” the secret behind late musical entertainer Liberace and his rhinestone suits and faux-fur coats may have finally been brought out of the 
closet and into the light.
For decades, Wladziu Valentino Liberace had scoured the world, particularly Las Vegas, Nevada and Miami, Florida, performing a style of music for the masses that was unchecked, unreserved, and utterly unremarkable except in the minds of a few billion restless housewives. Under an authority that had put Sir Elton John in check, Liberace was the entertainer of his time without being much of musical songwriter.
Normally, such musical mis-talent would be dismissed as purely heterosexual, taking into account the styles of Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, and Robert Goulet, who don’t write music so much as alter music to make it their own. Usually these unknown songwriters, creating side money while creating Broadway musicals, would be of the less than heterosexual persuasion, a perfect balance for the success of a song.
Liberace, however, was not able to dodge public opinion’s theory that he was gay, mostly because of his flamboyant demeanor and, even more so, his flamboyant clothing. From rhinestone vests to rainbow Elvis eagle capes to paisley cummerbunds, Liberace’s clothing exhumed a certain air that he forever denied.
Last month, Liberace’s closeted homosexuality seemed to have been invalidated by scientists due to the “Shroud of Liberace” theory.
Dr. Stephen Hastings explained the theory in layman’s terms: “Due to the studies we have invested into the late Liberace’s clothing, some very interesting things were found. For one, the stitching was atrocious, and as everyone knows, gay men take too much pride in their clothing to allow faulty stitching to threaten their style. He would have surely fixed the threading himself if he were gay, and Liberace’s clothing shows no traces of alteration. Another thing was the use of real diamond dusting in what was believed to be real rhinestones. Again, this is the total opposite of a true gay man, who chooses rhinestones for their choice of coloring. Add to that stained frilly lace, chest hair samples that were found in his clothing, and carbon dating, and you have a truly heterosexual male specimen.”
These findings sent a shockwave through the gay community. Many cross-dressers publicly gave up their alter-ego ways due to Liberace’s heterosexuality being outed.
However, new evidence this weekend has brought the debate back into play. Dr. Nathaniel Hirsch, professor of garment studies, found holes in the heterosexual theory. “Is the stitching bad? That’s debatable. Were there alterations to the clothing post-creation? No. However, upon studying the tags that are normally attached to clothing, I did not find any branding. What I did find was a faint, hand-inked part of a number, possibly a 42, in a pair of pants. What does this mean? It means he didn’t alter his clothing…because he designed and sewed the pants himself!”
This new information opens the Liberace Sexuality debate up even more, as it cannot be confirmed if Liberace himself created his clothing, or a gay personal assistant created the clothing for him.