New York, NY: Late night talk shows took a step back last week, with one of the most agitating and disgusting acts ever attained by a late night talk show host: utter failure in making fun of a sex scandal. And what’s worse, is that multiple late night talk show hosts are guilty.
The problems began when Stephanie Berkitt, a former personal assistant to David Letterman, began dating “48 Hours Mystery” producer Robert J. “Joe” Halderman. Sources claim that the show “is like ’60 Minutes,’ except retarded.”
Allegedly, Mr. Halderman, being male, had asked Miss Berkitt about former celebrity lovers. Miss Berkitt, being female, told him about David Letterman. Mr. 
Halderman, being male, became jealous, and began to delve into the truth of the matter in order to “really stick it to the guy who used to stick it to his girlfriend” a million years ago, sources claim Malderman stated. Apparently, David Letterman had multiple sexual relations with women in the workplace, from interns to executive producers to even his now wife Regina Lasko.
From there, news reports have been hilarious in the midst of the scandal, and David Letterman’s on-air monologue shedding light on the scandal before he could be successfully blackmailed for $2 million.
Some reports have spoken about a secret bedroom hidden in the Ed Sullivan Theatre, where Dave would have his lovers wear an Ed Sullivan mask and scream, “and now, right here in my ***, David Letterman.”
Another report states that David Letterman did not limit himself to interns. On the list of possible relations is Joan Rivers, Courtney Love, Howard Stern, Liza Minnelli, Barbara Streisand, and the female puppet from The Dark Crystal.
However, late night hosts, besides Letterman himself, have not been so humorous. Jimmy Fallon bombed out by talking about “…a new book out called ‘Why Women Have Sex’ that says there are 237 reasons why women have sex.” Upon stating that Letterman knows the Top 10, four women in the audience shrieked at the stage, “No he doesn’t!”
Jay Leno fared a bit better, with his winning joke being his staff drummer Marvin Smith leaving the stage in a huff after Leno explained that he had never had a sexual relationship with anyone on his staff. Later, it was determined that the stage leave was not an act at all, killing the joke.
Stand-up comic Lam Blitzer explained the problem. “They didn’t go after Dave like Dave would have gone after them,” explain Blitzer. “A joke about Top Ten Lists? That could have been funny if it wasn’t a make-believe book with an incredibly boring title, and Fallon looked like he was going to sh*t himself after the joke, fearing the wrath of a real talk show host.”
“Jay ‘The Chin’ didn’t fare much better,” Blitzer continued. “They missed some obviously funny jokes that wouldn’t have been out of line. Maybe they’re trying to excite some up-and-coming hosts, to show them, ‘Yes, you too can be a talk show host.’ You know, up-and-comers like…Jimmy Fallon.”
It is unknown how much better the jokes will get in regards to Letterman. Conan O’Brien has yet to comment on the scandal. It is unknown if this is because he is cautious to come up with as bad a joke as his compatriots, or that the blunt trauma to his head recently has scrambled the humor side of his brain.