Los Angeles, CA: The highly anticipated Emmy award ceremony was marred today, as it was learned that the entire affair was staged, including the awards themselves, Neil Patrick Harris’ presence on the stage, as well as the entire television audience.
The farce began when Joan Rivers, instead of hosting the red carpet in front of the Nokia Theatre, was green-screened into a red carpet premiere of the 
trailer for Avatar, held at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. Viewers were unable to tell the difference, as celebrities took no notice of Joan Rivers like they normally do for any awards show.
The problems didn’t end there. With the awards show being filmed a week prior to the televised broadcast, judges and winners were given ample time to replace actual winners with “those actors and actresses exemplify Hollywood at its finest.” Although it is unknown why Charlie Sheen was not included in the winners with this statement, it sheds light on the real winners that never had a chance to strut onto the stage to claim their trophies. Those winners, of course, were the cast of the FX show It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
“It was crazy. When the votes were finally tallied, along with the brief explanations as to why the chosen deserved to win, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia had swept the awards show,” stated one judge who chose to remain anonymous.
“It’s Always Sunny? We didn’t even invite them to the ceremonies. Then all of a sudden they’re winning? We would have had way too much egg on our face for that one. We had to change the winners,” explained another judge.
Luckily, due to insider information, we were able to formulate a true winners list, which included some of the following:
“Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series” went to Mary Elizabeth Ellis for her role as The Waitress. Judges were particularly fond of her work as a rehabilitating alcoholic who falls off the wagon because, as the public knows, drunk people are funny.
“Outstanding Supporting Actor in A Comedy Series” went to David Hornsby for his work as the loved-starved homeless man Rickety Cricket.
“Outstanding Lead Actress in A Comedy Series” went to Kaitlin Olson, in particular for her Sex In The City references, and denting a car door with her head.
“Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series” was shared by Glenn Howerton and Danny DeVito, for being the hairiest duo to grace the screen since Bronson Pinchot and Mark Linn-Baker in Perfect Strangers.
“Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series” was given to Charlie Day for his heart-wrenching work as a mailroom attendant amidst a conspiracy in the Day-Bow-Bow episode.
“Outstanding Comedy Series” was given to the group for their use of Green Man throughout the series.
The cast almost lost “Outstanding Drama Series,” until judges were able to study the apprehension and suspense that came with the classic who-dunnit episode, “Who Pooped the Bed.”
Although they were not awarded their trophies, the cast of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia are not showing the slightest signs of slowing down. With their latest cross-country staging of their amazing musical, “The Nightman Cometh,” the troupe have high aspirations to sweep the Tony Awards early next year.