Washington, DC: Tensions have risen this week between North Korea and the rest of the globe, as North Korean officials have lambasted sanctions by the United Nations for their testing of short range fishing rockets, or as politicians call them, ballistic missiles, as well as underground nuclear detonation tests.Kim Jong Il Rap

   The United States in particular has been addressed by North Korea, considering the U.S. has been the most vocal nation behind Japan about North Korea’s weapons programs. North Korea, through newspapers addressed to its own people, has stated that any impediment would be met with retaliation “a hundred bazillion-fold.”

   President Obama has insisted that negotiations with Kim Jong-Il, or whomever the acting leader of North Korea is at this time, would be extremely helpful for implementing a peaceful solution. Unfortunately, his call to Kim Jong-Il to join the round table has met with resentment from the despot. The dictator, instead of directly responding to President Obama, released a rap album where he “digs beef” up against President Obama, and the United States in general.

   “I remember one time that white rapper guy used to write songs all the time, angry about this guy or that guy stealing his money or his woman. I thought I should make sure the US didn’t front, so I could make them my bitches,” Kim Jong-Il was quoted in a North Korean newspaper.

Obama and Biden Rap   The rapper in question, of course, is shock rapper Eminem, aka Marshall Mathers. Throughout his career, Eminem has aired grievances on his rap albums, from Fred Durst to the Insane Clown Posse to Mariah Carey to Barney the Dinosaur. In order to seem hip and further his musical career, Kim Jong-Il has taken the same approach.

   “All I did was call a punk-ass country a punk-ass country,” stated Kim Jong-Il.

   The album, which rips off its title from Tupac Shakur’s Me Against The World, features songs such as “Commie Style,” “Get Up Off(My Rockets),” and “Gin and Tea.”

   The response from the United States is as expected. In order not to overstep boundaries that would bring about a physical attack, President Obama and Vice President Biden are preparing to release a rap album of their own in retaliation.

   “We don’t want to give North Korea any temptation to move forward to a more aggravated attack. If Kim Jong-Il wants to call our country punk-ass, we have an obligation to counter that assertion, no more, no less,” explained President Obama. When asked why Biden is featured at the top half of the album when he is only the vice president, President Obama explained, “Joey can’t play the keys worth a damn.”

    It shall be interesting to see how this new leg of the east versus west rap rivalry unfolds.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.