New York, NY: In an effort to either find a buyer for his unrequited love, or just to boost ratings for his website, inept editor Patrick Emmel released plans to create an online dating application in order to dupe would-be female attention getters into dating and/or sleeping with him. People who may find this familiar probably remember the exploits of Tucker Max, celebrity blogger and author of the book I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, due to become a feature film in the 
near future.
The dating application, set to be finalized in the coming months at Mr. Emmel’s barren blog at www.poeticgrafix.com, will feature horrible pictures of him, requirements for date proceedings, contact information, and if he gets around to it, an application for female(and male, if you feel like playing major odds) wooers.
When asked about his blatant rip-off of Tucker Max, Mr. Emmel explained. “Obviously, it’s been done before, with fantastic results. Tucker was able to build an empire out of his insane life and hijinx, from books to potential television deals to a movie. How can I compete with that!? I’m just making a good idea conform to my needs. These days I’m lazy, and figured I needed all the help I could get in getting laid.”
When asked if the exploits of the dating application would be covered in his blog, Mr. Emmel responded, “Absolutely. If anything actually came out of this ploy, you’re damn right I’ll write about it. I’m tired of trying to find humor in other people’s activities. It’s time I started cracking jokes about myself again. I can only pull off the ‘whiny, poverty-stricken writer/artist’ only so many times.”
When asked if that characterization ever worked with women, Mr. Emmel replied, “What? I meant in my writing concepts.”
An excerpt from the introduction to this perversion of Cassanova’s blog:
I have mocked my friends attempts at finding love, or at least a little action, on internet moguls like FirstMatch, eHarmony, and Jdate. Usually they were women I thought were hot enough not to need to use such a service, but what do I know.
Instead of jumping on the internet match-making bandwagon, I jumped on Tucker Max’s bandwagon, so to speak. Why should I be in some compiled list on a database, when I have a fully functioning website of my own? Who cares if I may be accosted by trannies, meth addicts, and porn stars(so I would hope.) At the very least, it’ll make an interesting story.
Former girlfriends are in an uproar, as some of them feel that their antics during their time with Mr. Emmel may end up in the history annals of American sub-pop-culture. One anonymous woman stated, “I would just die if a picture of me in that Sharon Stone Basic Instinct outfit ever surfaced. I’d probably extend that role-play, just to stick it to him, so to speak.”