Oxford, MS: This past Friday, the entire free world witnessed the opening jabs, right-hooks, and over-all debate of Barack Obama and John McCain, the front-runners of the 2008 presidency of The United States.
The combatants brought to light their positions on many topics, such as foreign policy, the economy, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, and energy solutions, all inter-looping into each other during 
their speeches until the candidates were detailing potential alternative energy by throwing stock-brokers into the Middle-Eastern desert to generate bio fuel. Most of these stances could easily be read on any 7-11 coffee cup.
However, the real, inspiring debate began closer to the end of the discussion, concluding the night with mud slinging, mockery, and flat out trash-talking. This discussion, of course, had to do with pizza.
For the final topic, moderator Jim Lehrer ask both candidates the loaded question, “So, what would we like on our pizza for tonight’s meal?” This question has been well-known to cause disasterous complications in many a presidential debate, as well as numerous Sunday afternoons watching football.
Barack Obama forcefully claimed, “Regular. No extra cheese, no pepperoni, no mushroom, because that is what working class Americans would want. Just plain old pizza. Preferably from Chicago, or New York, of course.”
John McCain had differing tendencies than Obama, as he showed by giving such facial expressions as if he were forcing out “dookie” right there on-stage. “The American people should really have mushroom pizza, or maybe some roasted peppers, or pepperoni, or that supreme pizza with all the toppings, something more fulfilling and nutritional than plain pizza.”
Obama looked gleeful, and seemed to silently giggle and mouth words like, “I love you,” to Jim Lehrer during McCain’s pitch, before responding. “Come on, John, no one in their right mind would get a pizza with just roasted peppers on it.”
The candidates did seem on the same page, however, when asked who should pay for the pizza. Both responded that the initial plan to cut the cost of the pizza would be better than bailing out the poor pizza parlor in Oxford that has had staggeringly low sales.
“I believe, that if we get the pizza delivery guy to walk, or at least ride a bicycle, or if we can create a robot to deliver the pizza, it may lessen the cost to the American taxpayer. At least, someday, maybe, that would happen,” stated Obama.
“The problem here is that Barack does not have the experience I have when ordering pizza. I believe, that instead of trying to cut down on how the pizza is made and delivered, that we should just cut the amount of pizza we order. Maybe a few slices each, and that’s it,” countered McCain.
When it came to deciding what would happen if the pizza delivery guy was late with the pizza, the candidates were at their most heated. Obama explained that they should discuss the problem with the deliverer, and see if they could come to some sort of conclusion where they would get the pizza for free, and hand out a modest tip. McCain, on the other hand, began yelling at the hypothetical pizza delivery guy on-stage, using vulgar language as he slammed the door in his face.
It remains to be seen what sort of display will happen when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden take the stage to argue which Star Wars movie was the most entertaining.