K.I.T.T. of Knight Rider fame comes to terms over the recreation of the show that made him and blinking LED lights famous.
Los Angeles, CA– K.I.T.T., the 1982 Firebird featured prominently in the 1980s series Knight Rider was recently released from his third stint in a drug rehabilitation facility and is now ready to voice his displeasure in regards to the soon-to-be-aired remake of his beloved television series.
“I most certainly do not approve of this decision,” says K.I.T.T. “It borders on blasphemy. You cannot improve upon perfection and merely attempting such a feat will only result in severe penalties.”
When asked to elaborate on the “penalties,” K.I.T.T. refused and unleashed a torrent of obscenities. He later apologized for his behavior and blamed it on financial problems.
These days, K.I.T.T. resides in a trailer park on the on the outskirts of Los Angeles. Admittedly, he has been through some rough times. When the show ended in 1986, K.I.T.T. had a difficult time locating work and, frustrated, he began to associate with, in his own words, “unsavory characters.”
“It was rough,” he says. “I couldn’t find work and started getting into micro-tuners, gasoline additives, and chrome-plated rims. The money disappeared quickly and I often found myself waking up in places that were questionable at best, horrific at worst. Impound lots, junk-yards, chop-shops, you name it.”
According to K.I.T.T., his fellow cast members refused to return his calls and often changed their phone numbers without warning. He admits that this is probably due to the fact that he owes many of the cast members hundreds, if not thousands of dollars.
“I had a problem with premium oil back in ’86 and I wasn’t getting paid enough to support my habit. So I borrowed a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Next thing you know, Michael, I mean, David, gives me the cold shoulder. And then the rest of the cast, even the extras, refused to acknowledge my presence. When the show ended, I wasn’t even invited to the final cast party. It was the most horrible thing that had ever happened to me and led to a downward spiral.”
The evidence of his downward spiral into addiction and trouble is all too evident. The shimmering black paint has long since rusted away, every window is shattered, and his tires are too bald to gain traction on even the best surfaces. Even his voice, once so smooth and recognizable, is now raspy from years of heavy tire smoking.
“I sound like bloody Harvey Fierstein,” he complains.
When asked what his future plans are, he maintains that he is unsure. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, to be honest. I approached the producers of the “new” show and asked for a part, only to be laughed off of the set. Apparently, they are going with some Ford Mustang whose acting makes Keanu Reeves look like the second coming of Brando. But, hey, if that’s what they want, then fine. But don’t come crying to me when your stupid show crashes down in flames like the godforsaken Hindenburg.”