Atlanta, GA: Residents of the city of Atlanta were stunned yesterday as federal relief vehicles rolled into the heart of the city loaded with food, water, medicine, and other emergency supplies such as blankets, batteries, and miniature American flags. The disaster relief was directly instituted 
by President George Bush himself.
The mayor of Atlanta, Shirley Franklin, publicly thanked President Bush for his help, as unnecessary as it was. “I’m not too sure why the federal government felt the need to supply us with so many amenities. Maybe they thought we had become melancholy and unproductive since our lovable baseball team, the Atlanta Braves, went into a losing streak. In any event, we thank President Bush for his generosity,” stated the mayor.
Upon questioning by the media as to what the president wished to gain from such a move, President Bush said, “I can’t, in good humanitarianistic faith, allow the poor, down-trodden people of Atlanta, and Georgia as a whole, to be left to fend for themselves when under siege.”
“Listen, we couldn’t stand by and allow what happened to New Orleans to happen to Atlanta. Instead of waiting to be briefed by Cheney and my cabinet members, I made the call to the Red Cross directly from Beijing during the Summer Olympics. Just because I was enjoying myself watching our great nations compete in sports like…traps? What kind of sport is that? Anyway, just because I was having a good time didn’t mean I didn’t care about my fellow Americans. I took action once I heard about the bombing,” President Bush explained further.
When it was mentioned that the Georgia that was bombed was actually a country, the president commented, “Hey, no need to mock those Georgians. Sure, they may seem a little weird, being Southerners and all, but they are still Americans, and we have to protect our own.”
President Bush now plans to speak to Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin, in order to have the Russian military cease fire against the southern state, during his Olympic visit. He has also deployed The National Guard in order to protect the state of Georgia from any invasion from Russia or other surrounding states such as South Carolina and Florida.