Montauk, NY: After a little less than a week of skepticism, wonderment, and downright ignorance, it is now believed by the general scientific community that the alleged “Montauk Monster” that has gripped the imagination of a few random people may actually be forgotten pseudo-actor Luke Perry.
The specimen was allegedly first discovered by a group of twenty-something-aged women who coincidentally all work for various marketing agencies. “I heard all this shrieking just off the shore, and I came running. I found a group of people all talking about some freakish-looking thing that washed ashore. 
Of course, I didn’t see it for myself because they said some weirdo in a lab coat and goggles came by with a cart and took it away, but I bet it looked horrible up close. I’ve seen the pictures, anyway,” commented Montauk resident John Kiel.
“It was, like, a mutant raccoon or something, man. I’ve never seen anything like it. Truth be told, I didn’t really see it, but the way people were talking about it, it was like I was there…,” surfer Colby Haas explained.
The “monster” that no one can remember “really seeing” or “remembers where it went” apparently was dead at the scene, but what it looks like no one could initially say for sure. The specimen, from the pictures taken, seemed to have a teeth-encased beak, closely equal forelegs and hind legs, a tail, and the remnants of fur. Some say it looks like a sea turtle without a shell. Some say it looks like a mutated raccoon, or a sea-mauled dog. Some even called it a hoax.
Now, after some time to deliberate and study the digital pictures of the specimen, biologists now believe the monster may actually be actor Luke Perry of Beverly Hills 90210 fame.
“There are a lot of factors that led us to the Luke Perry hypothesis. For one, he didn’t answer any of our phone calls. The size of the specimen seemed consistent with Perry’s physique, especially the chin and nose area. The hair texture, or lack of, was another determining factor. Also, Luke Perry loved surfing in that TV show he was on, which would make it sensible that he would be by the beach. Obviously, real surfers don’t come from around the globe to surf off of Montauk’s shores, but if he was in New York at the time, this was the place to surf,” explained Doctor Eugene Messler, a biology expert for the Weekly World News.
Town officials of Montauk were unavailable for comment.