Finally, after months of campaigning, online voting, and tons of jokes about Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul(assuming he is really finished and Ralph Nader isn’t Ron Paul with color-treated hair), America has been given the Republican and Democratic Party’s top candidates for the 2008 election:
The question remains: who will they choose as their vice presidential stand-ins? We have some ideas.
DEMOCRATIC IDOL FINALISTS
Hillary Rodham Clinton:
Pro: It would be a nice concession to the runner up of the primaries.
Con: We saw the leash she put on Bill. She may try the same with Barack, and institute a term-long cat fight with Michelle.
Robert Downey Jr:
Pro: He would make Barack seem less liberal, plus he could push some foreign relations hard in that Iron Man suit.
Con: He’d probably spend too much time in rehab to be an asset.
Jay-Z:
Pro: It would give off an idea of solidarity.
Con: It would give off an idea of solidarity.
Creamed Corn:
Pro: Extremely passive, non-threatening in foreign policy.
Con: It would need to be kept in a Michael Jackson hyperbolic chamber to survive a few days, nevermind a term.
Republican Idol Finalists
John McClane:
Pro: He would gather the popular vote, and could beat down terrorists himself if needed.
Con: It may confuse the American public to have a ballot for McCain/McClane.
Ron Paul:
Pro: He would help gather up the conspiracy theorist and libertarian vote.
Con: Some nut may try to make Ron Paul president by spreading conspiracy theories about John McCain, causing a possible impeachment proceeding.
Dennis Kucinich:
Pro: He would gather some of the democratic vote, and would make McCain seem less conservative.
Con: Demonic kings from Middle Earth may wreck havoc on the Oval Office looking for the one ring to rule them all.
The Corpse of Ronald Reagan:
Pro: He would make McCain seem more conservative to The Republican Party.
Con: An earthy smell and maggots taking post in The White House may be a public relations nightmare when mixed with McCain’s “old man” smell.