Washington, DC: In an effort to improve his popularity rating as his second term dwindles to a close, President Bush delighted the nation by placing an embargo upon Adam Herz to stop him from releasing any future releases of American Pie spin-offs.
“I like comedy. Every good American should like to laugh, as long as it isn’t at me. And I liked the movie 
American Pie. It has ‘American’ in it, and people say ‘American as apple pie,’ so to me that’s pretty patriotic. But too much pie makes me need to use the bathroom. Which is like all these sequels. It’s too much pie,” President Bush stated in his press conference.
The president was referring to the franchise that has spawned five installments of the original American Pie, which were American Pie 2, An American Wedding, Band Camp, The Naked Mile, and Beta House. With a team of video rental fan-boys, the president rated how far-reaching each sequel was to the original in terms of character development and humor. The decline was so drastic that, with the help of his “Movie Cabinet,” the president decided the government should step in to say enough is enough.
“I think this is a step in the right direction to protect the American public. Just think how great a world it would be if a president stepped in to stop all of those Jaws sequels. God, they really put a pile of crap out after the second movie. Sea World? Son of Martin Brody? What would have come next, Jaws in Space?” fan-boy cabinet member Joel Friedman stated.
“These movies are terrorists in their own way. They terrorize movie theaters, and block truly inspiring movies from getting recognition, such as Everything Is Illuminated. Damn, that movie kicked so much ass!” another fan-boy cabinet member Jonathan Drafer explained.
The effort seemed to help President Bush’s cause, who rose .013% in a national polling after the press conference.