Los Angeles, CA: It has been two weeks since Britney Spears attacked photographers with an umbrella outside of Kevin Federline’s home. Besides her newly shaved head, twitching eyes, and the tendency to bite anyone within arm’s distance, Miss Spears was a model California resident. Since then she has ducked into an undisclosed rehab center to tend to her addictions and overall psychosis.
Dr. Henry Froode, Miss Spear’s therapist, explained that Britney was suffering from radical mood swings that she has had ever since her appearance on the Mickey Mouse Club. “There are two sides to Britney Spear’s mind, the light, and the dark. Sometimes the dark comes out not only mentally, but persists into her physical body, changing her into monster.”
Monster, indeed. In the ensuing manhunt following Britney Spear’s break-out, Miss Spear’s battled with two U.S. Marine Corps. battalions, six Apache helicopters, as well as numerous local police officers. No missile, bullet, or hand could stop her as she rampaged through Hollywood back to Kevin Federline’s home. Upon finding a paparazzi SUV parked there, Miss Spears picked up the vehicle and tossed it an estimated five hundred feet, where it exploded into flame.
When asked what she hoped to accomplish with her latest rage burst, Britney responded with growls and screeches while tossing our reporters through Mr. Federline’s front gate in order to enter the grounds.