Category: Politics
Senate Passes “No Soup for You” Bill
Washington, DC: This past week, the Senate passed a bill making those convicted of violent crimes ineligible from receiving food stamps. The bill was sponsored by Republican Senator and DC Madame customer David Vitter, who is bravely taking a stand against the many entitlements afforded to convicted criminals. On the floor of the Senate, Vitter […]
Gun Nuts Attempt to Ruin 3D Printers for Everyone
Austin, TX: As common knowledge of 3D printer capabilities continues to grow, a bunch of dicks from Texas decided that the best way to let people know more about them was to ruin them for everyone. University of Texas law student Cody Wilson released schematics to put together a gun from parts made in a […]
President Obama Comes Out of Conservative Closet
Washington, DC: This past week, President Obama unveiled his plan to cater to groups heretofore underrepresented in his administration, specifically radical conservatives, conspiracy theorists, and Dick Cheney enthusiasts. Throughout his first term and into his second, Obama has shown little consideration for the assertions of these groups, but recent actions by his administration have shown […]
New Benghazi Report Offers Shocking Plot Twists and Holes
Washington, DC: Recently leaked government emails have revealed some astonishing new details about the attack on the US Consulate in the Libyan city of Benghazi. Members of both parties have been riled by these developments and President Obama and the White House have come under scrutiny for their potential involvement in a large-scale cover-up of […]
Life Expectancy of Westboro Baptists Less Than Life Expectancy of Picket Signs
Oklahoma City, OK: When NBA basketball player Jason Collins came out as gay, there was one reaction that the world could count on: the Westboro Baptist Church members holding up signs somewhere to promote their “God Hates Fags” belief that homosexuality is the cause of all the world’s ills along with Obama, America, and rice […]
George W Bush Opens Library of ‘Merica
Dallas, Texas: On Thursday, George W. Bush presided over the opening of his presidential library, the George W. Bush Library of ‘Merica. The name was chosen to represent the former president’s unique contributions to the American legacy. A number of PR representatives advised against this name, but Bush stayed true to his reputation by sticking […]
George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum Resurrects Old Political Jokes
Dallas, TX: It seemed too good to be true. George W. Bush, the former president of the United States who had launched hundreds of grammatically incorrect quotes and slogans, will be be opening a library. Much to the pleasure of great political satirists and humorists such as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Lewis Black, and The […]
Americans Mistake Chechens for Alien Race in Defiance
Boston, MA: As the dust has settled and suspects are gathered up in relation to the bombing at the Boston Marathon, it seems that more questions than answers are rising. Some conspiracy theorists have called the attack a “false flag” operation, and took to such acclaimed news outlets such as 4chan and imgur to explain […]
Congress Passes Gun Control
Washington, DC: Today, a joint commission of Republicans and Democrats called a press conference to announce they had finally come to an agreement and passed landmark gun control legislation, an act that seemed lost last week. President Obama was on hand to congratulate senators and representatives of Congress in person, eventually taking the podium to […]
Assh*les Unite Against Sodomy
Richmond, Virginia: Yesterday, Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli organized a rally in front of the state court house in support of anti-sodomy laws. Cuccinelli reached out to groups all over the country in order to bring together the largest showing of assholes to date. “We really got in there, you know?” stated one of Cuccinelli’s […]
