Category: Politics
Republicans Celebrate Party’s Triumph Over Science
GOP leaders gathered yesterday to celebrate a successful year for the Republican Party, capped off with an 11% decline in the belief in evolution with their colleagues.
US Government to Destroy Over 1,000 Tons of Elmo Dolls for Environmental Safety
Following the destruction of ivory, the United States takes aim at Elmo dolls.
Volcker Rule Requires Bankers to Pinky-Swear Not to Crash Economy
Washington, DC: Proponents of financial reform are celebrating the revised Volcker Rule, which imposes a strict requirement that the heads of the banking industry promise to never ruin the economy again. This promise will be sealed by a traditional legal contract referred to as pinky jurare. This is when the two parties lock pinkies while […]
War on Christmas Portrays Historical Discrimination Against Rich, White, Christian Men
Look out, minorities. There’s a new socially maligned group in the United States, and they’re not going to take it anymore: rich, white, Christian men.
Volcker Rule Raises Eyes in Banks, Vegas
Las Vegas, NV: With the adoption of the latest Dodd-Frank financial overhaul law, dubbed “the Volcker Rule,” set to be implemented in 2015, banks aren’t the only companies scurrying for shelter.
Lawmakers Pass Landmark Toy Gun Control Law
The Nerf Nerf™ Act, requires those interested in owning a toy gun to pass an extensive background check.
Santorum Compares Mandela’s Fight Against Apartheid to First World US Problems
Rick Santorum recently compared Nelson Mandela to the crusty old white men of Congress in a declaration of honor.
Tea Party Congressman Trey Radel Becomes Bored with Tea, Opts for Cocaine
The Tea Party contemplates a name change after congressmember Trey Radel’s recent charge of cocaine possession.
Chris Farley Found Alive and Well in Toronto
It seems that Chris Farley is alive, and has been secretly running Toronto as his alter-ego, Rob Ford.
Vote to Extend Breaking Bad Goes Unheeded
The American public became just a bit more jaded by politics yesterday, as the most coordinated write-in vote in the history of US elections was left ignored.
