Category: Politics
The 47% March On Washington
Washington, DC: Yesterday, a little less than half the number of people that usually attend protests organized on the National Mall to demonstrate their indignation at being called victims by Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. Romney’s gaffe came to the public’s attention last week and has been the source of some outrage, even among the [...]
Bill Clinton Affirms Status as Sexiest President
Charlotte, NC: Wednesday night, former president Bill Clinton delivered a speech in front of the Democratic National Convention that defined the term “Silver Fox”. Obama could only stand offstage and look dejected as Clinton showed him how to touch a crowd. This was a turning point in Clinton’s national image. For a while, he had [...]
Chair Stuns Polls in Surprise 2012 Election Campaign
Tampa, FL: Last week, the Republican National Committee was awarded a surprise for showing up to portray their support for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan: Clint Eastwood, talking to a chair. While many political pundits believed the event to be nothing more than a senile actor trying too hard to be funny for too long, [...]
Chair 2012
Nobody asked, but we did it for you anyway. Election 2012 kicks into high gear for the fall push with the greatest presidential nominee: CHAIR! Now you can commit yourself to the cause of getting CHAIR elected with this handy banner that will fit, literally anywhere. Bumper stickers? Check. T-Shirts? Check. Women’s underwear? Check.
Florida Law Defines Life as Beginning at Drunken College Party
Gainesville, FL: Governor Rick Scott of Florida, in reaction to Arizona passing their “life begins two weeks before conception” law, has signed a bill redefining life as starting even earlier. The signing of the bill is another part of the contest between Governors Scott and Brewer to see who is more pro-pre-life. In signing the [...]
Obama Hits Reddit; Romney to Answer Questions on Myspace
This week, President Barack Obama visited the well-known unoriginal-content-spreading site reddit to reach out to voters. Obama, who has always been on the cutting edge of social media with such endeavors as “Tweet Me Some Money” and “Let Me Spam Your Facebook Timeline with My Drivel,” took to reddit as a new and edgy way [...]
Mitt Romney’s European Vacation
Everywhere, EUROPE: After a gaff-filled tour through Europe two weeks ago, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney decided to take himself and his family on a well-deserved break exploring the wilderness that is not America. Romney and the family started off in London, the same place his political tour started. They stayed in a low-class motel, [...]
Political Who’s Who In The Dark Knight Rises: Liberal Idea of a Conservative Edition
**WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS DUE TO CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS** To say that there are political undertones in The Dark Knight Rises would be like saying Lucky Charms has sugar: you’d have to be a potato, or have the brainpower of one, to not pick up on either fact. So we started off with a liberal version of [...]
Political Who’s Who In The Dark Knight Rises: Liberal Edition
**WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS DUE TO CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS** To say that there are political undertones in The Dark Knight Rises would be like saying Lucky Charms has sugar: you’d have to be a potato, or have the brainpower of one, to not pick up on either fact. That doesn’t mean this plans to be a politically [...]
Corporate Leaders Shocked that Union Fruit Baskets are Considered Political Expenditures
New York, NY: In a reaction to the Wall Street Journal’s recent ground-breaking report, corporate leaders have registered complaints on the political expenditures of unions. The expenditures, totaling around $4 billion dollars, are almost four times what was previously believed by experts and almost $4 billion more than corporate leaders had believed they were spending. [...]
