Browsing: Politics

Politics
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Washington, DC: The FBI and police were investigating outside Rep. David Scott’s district office in Georgia when it was discovered that a beautiful cobalt blue swastika was painted on his sign, an act that the suburban Atlanta Democrat said reflects an increasingly positive message and predictably tolerant debate over health care and should remind people to try their hand at painting their own swastikas.

Scott’s staff arrived at his Smyrna, Ga., office Tuesday morning to find the Nazi graffiti emblazoned in a stunning Copperplate Gothic font on a sign bearing the lawmaker’s name. The loving act of vandalism occurred roughly a week after Scott was involved in a confrontational argument over health care at a community meeting. It is thought that the anonymous act was an effort to bring back a sense of calm to this community after the health care confrontation.

Politics
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Washington, DC: As President Obama reached the six-month anniversary of his taking the Oath of Office, his administration was officially dubbed a failure by the American populace.

“That good-fer-nothin Muslim promised us all sorts of stuff, and none of it’s happened,” said Cletus Popper, a Kentucky coal miner. “The war in Eye-raq, the Tally-ban, free healthcare for my young’uns… none of it! If I’da registered to vote, and if I’da voted for Mr. John McCain, I bet I’d be sittin’ on a pile of hunnert dollar bills right now.”

Politics
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Washington, DC: Tensions have risen this week between North Korea and the rest of the globe, as North Korean officials have lambasted sanctions by the United Nations for their testing of short range fishing rockets, or as politicians call them, ballistic missles, as well as underground nuclear detonation tests.

The United States in particular has been addressed by North Korea, considering the U.S. has been the most vocal nation behind Japan about North Korea’s weapons programs. North Korea, through newspapers addressed to its own people, has stated that any impediment would be met with retaliation “a hundred bazillion-fold.”

Politics
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Washington, DC: Former Vice President Dick “Shotgun” Cheney, an outspoken opponent of the Obama administration, has stepped forward and announced that waterboarding is an essential tool for fighting terrorism. He also insisted that the Central Intelligence Agency never tortured anyone and kept the United States safe from further terrorist attacks. President Obama disagrees and has banned the practice of waterboarding, an interrogation technique he calls “cruel and unnecessary.”

“Of course he said that,” countered Cheney. “He’s a freaking liberal. Next thing you know, he’ll try banning the removal of fingernails with pliers, or electrocution by cattle prod, which, I’ll have you know, is quite effective when attached to the testes. It sure as hell worked on my son-in-law.”

Politics
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Sacramento, CA: This week marked a great upset against the noble and knowledgeable Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Proposition 1A, an economic plan meant to strengthen a poor economy by spending at the worst possible time, was voted down by the majority of Californians.

Due to the failure to bolster tax revenue, the state of California had instated a plea to the federal government for financial aid. This also has met with resistance, both from the state of California legislature as well as Capitol Hill.

Politics
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Greensburg, PA: Yesterday marked a sad point in the life of young Susan Wolffe, as the sophisticated tea party she was holding with her kindergarten friends and a Hannah Montana doll was violated by a group of angry protestors who had camped out in front of her window before entering her home.

The trouble began when Miss Wolffe walked around her kindergarten class, at St. Joseph’s Preparatory School just outside of Pittsburgh, the day before. Citing parental intrusion about the party being too big, Miss Wolffe was forced to invite only ten of her fifteen classmates. The selection was largely based on whether or not a student liked or did not like her “favorite, all-time greatest singer and actress ever,” Hannah Montana.

Politics
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London, UK: The G20 Summit became a bit of a spectacle last week, without the help from global economic troubleshooting. The event in question was when United States President Barack Obama allegedly bowed to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia during the Summit’s “Meet and Greet Cocktail Hour.”

During the initial meeting between the American president and Saudi king, it was noted that upon shaking hands, President Obama went into a crouched bow, as if in a subservient genuflection large enough to be noticed, but probably small enough to inspire a Sensei to whip a student with a bamboo rod.

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New York, NY: Michael Bloomberg, the über-rich mayor of New York City, has put forth another measure in an effort to decrease the air pollution levels in the Big Apple – a citywide ban on the release of bodily gases in public places. Some see this as an indicator that Bloomberg has let his power go to his head, while others widely praise his decision. A spokesperson for Bloomberg stated that the mayor is still working on getting approval for fines and/or jail time for repeat gaseous offenders.

“So, wait a minute? First I can’t smoke in my favourite pub, and now I can’t even fart?” asks John Duggan, a construction worker from Queens. “Since when did New York become so lame?”

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Washington, DC: Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is lashing out at the press for what she perceives to be preferential treatment in regards to Caroline Kennedy’s bid for the soon-to-be empty New York State Senate seat. According to Palin, Kennedy is receiving copious amounts of respect from the press corps while, she, Palin, was battered relentlessly by the same press corps while acting as John McCain’s running mate on the Republican presidential ticket.

“I’ve been interested to see how Caroline Kennedy will be handled and if she will be handled with kid gloves or if she will be under such a microscope,” Palin told conservative radio talk-show host and filmmaker John Ziegler.

Politics
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Washington, DC: Early this morning, a gathering of about twenty thousand Obama supporters marched on the White House off of Pennsylvania Avenue, and proceeded to set up camp. Secret Service agents were suspicious of the activity outside of the White House gates, which prompted a call to action by the Washington D.C. police.

Apparently, the demonstration was made up of Obama supporters who either thought Barack Obama was to take over as president of The United States of America at the end of the week, or people who just didn’t have anything better to do.

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