Author Rob Wheatley

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It’s 2012 already, and the big topic in the UK is the forthcoming Olympic Games. Britain won the right to host the event by being the only country stupid enough to apply for it in the middle of a global economic meltdown, and already the games are running massively over budget, mainly due to the fact that the Government Minister in charge of the event somehow forgot to factor our 20% sales tax into the equation.

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It seems that the kids here in the UK have a drinking problem: they’re pouring alcohol into their eyes. This activity, known as ‘Vodka eyeballing’ is fast becoming a firm favorite with the British student population, who believe that the alcohol will be absorbed directly into the blood-stream, leading to a much faster hit than the traditional ‘down the throat’ method.

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As the year 2011 becomes a reality for all of us (apart from the USA which insists on 1120, for still unexplained reason- what is it with you guys and your crazy dating scheme), I don’t mind telling you that I’m worried. That’s because I’m a European and I’m innocent of all crimes committed on American shores.

International
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What is going on with these SEXY ROYALS ?

No sooner is The Princess Of The Dianna Of The Whales killed and buried in a French tunnel by the GREEK Mafia over a Knightsbridge TURF dispute, and nothing to do with Land-Mines or ‘Marrying the Moozers’ apparently allegedley, then they’re AT IT AGAIN !

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Das Pope arrived in the UK this week, amid feelings of high anticipation that he may at last put paid* to the overwhelming amount of sexual scandals and media innuendos surrounding his Church.
But important questions remain. Like: Who would win in a fight ? The Pope or B.A. Baracus ?

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In a time when England is already feeling the highly anticipated embarrasment caused by its national Hairdressing, sorry, Soccer team, and suffering the brunt of President Obama’s scathing attack on BP , it seems that it is third time unlucky, as once again the USA stomps its hefty foot on this small green Island.

Barack Obama, not content with blaming the British for the oil spill off the coast of Florida, has now made additional verbal attacks on the UK Government for its Emergency Budget, designed to get the country back on its feet following the US (sorry, World) banking crisis.

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With the eyes of the world upon them, with the hopes of the nation resting on their shoulders, and with over a hundred years of history and tradition to uphold, the first plane-load of returning English football fans landed at London’s Heathrow airport today, under a black cloud of despair.

Just as every Brit who followed the unfolding lackluster debacle from their favorite armchair, or pub, or car radio, will tell you, this is a day to drop our heads in abject shame at such a wasted opportunity.

What we had all seen was a string of missed chances, a general disinterest in attacking the other sides, a lighthearted, almost ‘holiday’, mood to what could and surely should have been a defining moment on the world stage.

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