Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina.

*UPDATE: Carly Fiorina has fired herself from her presidential campaign.*


Name: Carly Fiorina

Nickname: “Every b-word in the book,” according to Fiorina. How many actual b-words that are in “the book” is unknown.

Political Affiliation: Republican Party

Status: Suspended Campaign

Known For: CEO of Hewlett-Packard, Firing Everyone at Hewlett-Packard, Making People Correct When Yelling, “DEY TOOK ER JOBS!” “Dey” being Carly Fiorina.

Likes: Guns, School Vouchers, Firing People

Dislikes: Abortion, Sexism, Your Work Ethic. Yes, You.

Public Outlook: At first Carly Fiorina seemed to be the conservative female candidate to show just how diverse the Republican Party can be while keeping votes away from Hillary. Unfortunately, Fiorina became viewed as the female version of Donald Trump, leading many to believe she will be a future host on The Apprentice.

Pros: Would happily cut dead weight salaries and pensions in the government.

Cons: Would probably tank the federal government to prove a point about dead weight salaries and pensions in the government.

Quote: “One of the things I would immediately do is bring back the warrior class.”

Check out all of the 2016 presidential candidates by clicking here.

By Patrick AE

Patrick is the man behind the man behind the site behind the man.... When he isn't writing for The Inept Owl, saving penguins from Hulk Hogan, and other activities that could be either truths or lies, he's editing everything else.