Our asinine political analysis breaks down Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina.
*UPDATE: Carly Fiorina has fired herself from her presidential campaign.*
Name: Carly Fiorina
Nickname: “Every b-word in the book,” according to Fiorina. How many actual b-words that are in “the book” is unknown.
Political Affiliation: Republican Party
Status: Suspended Campaign
Known For: CEO of Hewlett-Packard, Firing Everyone at Hewlett-Packard, Making People Correct When Yelling, “DEY TOOK ER JOBS!” “Dey” being Carly Fiorina.
Likes: Guns, School Vouchers, Firing People
Dislikes: Abortion, Sexism, Your Work Ethic. Yes, You.
Public Outlook: At first Carly Fiorina seemed to be the conservative female candidate to show just how diverse the Republican Party can be while keeping votes away from Hillary. Unfortunately, Fiorina became viewed as the female version of Donald Trump, leading many to believe she will be a future host on The Apprentice.
Pros: Would happily cut dead weight salaries and pensions in the government.
Cons: Would probably tank the federal government to prove a point about dead weight salaries and pensions in the government.
Quote: “One of the things I would immediately do is bring back the warrior class.”