Flint, MI – Michigan Governor and Snidely Whiplash impersonator Rick Snyder held a press conference Monday to place the blame for the Flint water crisis on those who held ultimate responsibility; Michigan voters.
“In 2010, I ran a strong Republican campaign, decrying the do-nothing politicians and bumbling government screwing the public. And under my administration, we screwed the public.” Snyder shook his head. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Snyder’s comments reflect the GOP’s growing frustration with the public’s expectations of basic civil services from their elected officials. Jeb Bush, Republican Presidential Candidate and Clark Kent to George W’s Superman, spoke out in support of Snyder.
“We keep telling you people: the government is broken. It’s corrupt, it’s inept and it’s just pissing money away!” Bush exclaimed. “And you still expect clean water? You’re lucky your tap doesn’t spew Superfund sludge when you turn it on.”
Michigan voters were initially taken aback by Snyder’s comments, but many have begun to reflect on the issue. Some have even sent apologies to Governor Snyder, acknowledging that they should have known better and imploring him to deviate from his campaign promises and have the government actually fix the problem.
Other voters appear not to have learned their lesson. Mary McBandy, a housewife and yoga aficionado from the wealthy Detroit suburb of Grosse Point Park, says she’ll probably be voting Republican in 2018. “Yeah, the government’s broken. We just bought a house in downtown for $500,” she beamed. “Under Snyder, it’s like a fire sale, but all the time! Four more years!”
“I told you all there’s no accountability in government anymore,” Snyder said in his closing statement. “I mean, look at me. I’m still here!”